


Don't Go Editing My Heart

by InformalRamen



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Bad Puns, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-11-14 23:26:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11218428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InformalRamen/pseuds/InformalRamen
Summary: You are a book editor for a publishing company dealing with your own issues when you're sent a manuscript for a puzzle book. It doesn't take long to become involved in the world of monsters, including a buff fish women who seems determined to make you interact with other living beings, a loud, but adorable work-out enthusiast, a goat mom who needs a little help occassionally, a nervous dinosaur that won't stop giving you manga, and a very flirty kid. Oh yeah. And a certain punny skeleton.Updates on Saturday





	1. Puzzling Puzzles

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, the internet. Thank you for taking the time to check this out and looking past my terrible summary. I'm not new to writing, but I am to fan fiction. I'm planning to update this once a week. Enjoy!

Mariella groaned loudly, “Fabio, no we mustn’t!” Fabio placed another kiss upon her chaste lips. “I do not care, my love. I would die a thousand deaths, than be parted from your embrace,” he whispered against her cheek. Mariella blushed as his vigor brushed against her belly.

You snickered. Vigor? Really? This gal had so many different ways to describe one thing. The keyboard of your computer made a scraping noise as you pushed it away from you on the desk and you let your head fall into the space it previously occupied. You were getting loopy if you starting to laugh at dumb things like the word “vigor”. It wasn’t even close to some of the more creative names you’ve read today. The wooden desktop felt nice against your tired head. You groaned against the surface of your desk.

“_______? Are you still here?” your boss called from somewhere in the office. Instead of a proper answer, you just groaned again. The sound of heels clicking against linoleum reached your ears. You groggily looked up at Teresa as she leaned against the doorway with a smirk on her lips. “Haven’t I told you before, you shouldn’t be working so late when there isn’t an immediate deadline? I appreciate the effort, but a tired editor makes mistakes. Go on home.”  
“But, this is almost done and….” You tried to argue.

“And it will be done by tomorrow. Besides,” she stared at the title. “That’s one of Susanna Cummings novels. It’s not like it’s a top priority.” You thought it over. She was right. The deadline was a week away and Susanna was certainly an easy writer. She was always prompt and fast with her scripts, plus, with 10 years in the writing business and an insane amount of published romance novels, she had gotten good with making the least work for her editors. This was just a final revision before it got sent to the printers anyway. Like your boss said, it would be done tomorrow.

“Alright.” You concede. You started shuffling a stack of unopened mail to take home with you.

“What are you doing?” Teresa said, making a face.

“Umm…going home?” You raise your eyebrow.

“I’m not letting you take work home,” she huffed. “Go home and sleep. All this will be here when you get back.” You meet her eyes and then look down at the pile again. You take the first three off the stack and then put them in your purse. She made an exasperated noise behind you and you chuckled as you left the office.

\---------------

Your keys jingled loudly as you tried to find the right one to get into your house. A loud, shrill barking sounded from behind the door. It echoed down the neighborhood street. “Shush, Gremlin,” you tried to yell quietly. The barking then turned into insistent whining and you weren’t sure if that was any better. You hadn’t realized how late it actually was until you had stepped out into your building’s parking lot and seen how many stars were out.

You shivered as you were finally able to let yourself through the door. The weather was changing in the Ebotton area. Summer was finally ending. Gremlin, your little weird dog, danced around your feet happily. You quickly went into the kitchen and fed him. You started looking through the fridge for some edible leftovers when there was a loud thump behind you, followed by a “meroooow.” Angel bumped his large head into the back of your knee making your leg give out for second. “If you wait, I’ll feed you too,” you said affectionately as you patted his head. You reheated some lasagna, fed the cat, and then set up the three large orange envelopes on your kitchen counter. 

While picking at your food, you looked through the envelopes. Each one contained a manuscript inside. Two of them were run of the mill scripts that you would peruse later. You didn’t recognize either authors name so it was probably just people trying their luck at getting picked up for a contract. It was strange that even in this day and age, people would still send printed copies to your office. The last one was a surprise though.

“Papyrus’ Puzzling Puzzles,” you read aloud the title. What the fuck? Flipping through the pages, you found elaborate drawings of . . . . you weren’t sure. You tilted your head to the side, curious. There was definitely three different sections to it. The first part of the book had squares with curves and lines through them arranged in groups. The second part had circles, lines, and dots scattered across the page. The third was just pages and pages of letters. You flipped through the pages, but couldn’t find any directions. You rubbed some fingers over one of the pages. This was not just simple computer paper. Someone had obviously used some high quality paper and everything, even the letters, were hand-drawn in very neat, clean strokes.

Suddenly your cat strolled between you and the book. You carefully picked him up and placed him down on the ground again. Angel had a really annoying habit of trying to get between you and whatever you were paying attention to, be it books, tv, or even Gremlin. You leaned against the counter again and stared at the script. Sleep was calling to you, but, your curiosity was peaked. Why would someone send a puzzle book to your publishing company? Your group worked mostly on easy to sell genres like romance and sci-fi. You couldn’t recall ever publishing puzzles or anything similar. Paper rustled as you checked the sender’s address on the book. 

Papyrus Skeleton. You raised an eyebrow at that. Well, to be honest, it wasn’t the weirdest author’s name you’d come across. It must be a pen name. Yeah, that’s it. No one you knew had a last name like that. Except, you reconsidered, maybe a monster. Come to think of it, you couldn’t think of any monster last names. It wasn’t like you knew any monsters personally anyway. Most were really shy from what you had seen. You’ve seen many on the street and working various jobs, but you literally went from work to home most days, except for grocery store runs. They also tended to stay in the section of Ebotton called Mountain View or, you grimaced, as some people called it, Monster View. You’d never actually been, though it’s a popular destination spot for tourists. You vaguely remember hearing something about monsters mostly settling in Ebotton and the surrounding area. You’ve pretty much been ignoring anything that isn’t work or home for a while.

You couldn’t imagine how it would feel to be in one small place your whole life and then suddenly it opens up to this whole, giant world. A wry thought twists your lips. Your actually pretty sure your grandmother could relate. She’d grown up in a tiny town in the South during World War II. You remember her describing how hard it had been for her, a single woman of minority descent, to move out West all by herself. The prejudice she faced. And she was the same species.

You try your best to shake yourself out of your philosophical thoughts. You absently peruse one of the pages in the last section of the script. You felt your eyes unfocus in exhaustion while scanning the page. Wait…..was that…? You suddenly recognized the word hippopotamus. And it clicked. It was a word search. You started seeing words scattered here and there. Zebra, tiger, lion, monkey…. You smiled, a little impressed with yourself. You had solved the first part of the puzzling script. Er.. at least the last part of it.  
A little paw scratched against your leg. You looked down and saw Gremlin, his tail wagging excitedly as soon as you made eye contact. “Oh alright,” you yawned. Gremlin was saying it was bedtime. You would look through the puzzle book tomorrow.

\------------------

You had been dreaming about something when the oddest sensation brought you back to consciousness. There was a foreign object in your mouth and it had the most indescribable taste. Your eyes blearily opened. Angel sat in front of you, looking down at you. And you realize, it’s his paw. His paw. In your mouth.

You spit it out as fast as you can, but it’s not fast enough. It would never BE fast enough. You sit up and try to wipe the taste from your tongue with the back of your hand. “Oh god. So gross,” you complain. Angel just stares quietly back up at you. With a flick of his tail, he jumps from your mattress and thumps onto the floor. He then struts his nonchalant little cat ass out through the bedroom door. And then your alarm goes off. “Asshole”, you mutter. You’re not even sure why you even set an alarm anymore.

Angel has a lot of weird habits. This one was your least favorite. He always tried to wake you up before your alarm. He’d done it in all different ways. You would think that all the years living with him would desensitize you, but he continued to find new ways to achieve his goal. At least it’s not a partially alive mouse you think and shudder. He’s done that one twice now. Something groans underneath your covers and then shimmies out. At least Gremlin respected your boundaries. The little ball of shaggy hair shakes himself, then looks at you with a wagging tail. He knows what time it is.

You drag yourself out of bed and grudgingly get dressed in some workout clothes. It doesn’t take long before your out on the street, Grem already trying to drag you along with all his 15 pound might. The sunlight is out in full at 8 am and it makes you squint your eyes. You hate jogging. Hate it with so much passion. But your little dog gets so excited for this moment in the day. Plus you’d probably get a lecture from---. A stab of pain lances through your heart. You wince and shove the thought away. Don’t think about it. Just ignore any of those thoughts. Just concentrate on breathing. In. Out. In. Out. The sound of your shoes hitting the pavement. 

You do your best to try and make yourself numb again as you make your usual path through the neighborhood. You love this area. All the little old houses. All the mature trees. The tidy yards. In the evenings, everyone driving through has to slow down because kids are always running through or playing games or racing their bikes. You occasionally nod and smile at people getting ready for the day. 

Other people are jogging like you or just out for a stroll. Every once in a while, you come across a dog that’s either in a yard or being walked. Grem lets out that little precursor growl, but you just say his name warningly. He always huffs, like he’s sighing at you in annoyance, but he just keeps running at your side and ignores the other canines. Except one. At one point, you see a white fluffy dog wandering loose. It’s sniffing around and running with a happy doggie grin on its face. You pause for a second and consider trying to catch it, so you can try to find its owner, but, just at that moment, Gremlin ran to the end of his leash and lost his little doggie mind. The dog looked over at Grem and then dashed away down the street. You shrug and tug your crazy dog along. You couldn’t do anything for it until after you had taken your dog back home.

You’re just a house down from your own when you hear something scrape against pavement. It’s loud enough to bring you out of your thoughts. Directly across the street, there is a moving truck parked into the driveway of that house that’s been up sale for a while. There’s a kid struggling to lift a cardboard box. You stop and try to catch your breath. Their wearing a striped shirt and some shorts. Their brown hair is cut in a bob, the bangs covering their eyes. They look so completely neutral that you cannot tell if they’re a boy or a girl or even their age. You debate. On one hand, nobody has seen you, so you could just continue into your house and won’t be called out for being impolite. On the other, these people will be your new neighbors. It might be a good idea to get on their side early so they don’t complain about Gremlin barking at people in front of the house. And the kid looks a little pathetic.

You trot over. “Hey, do you want a hand with that?” you tentatively ask. They startle and look up at you. There’s this second of you guys just staring at each other and then they grin and nod. You direct Grem over to the lawn and command him to lay down and stay. He immediately acquiesces and even puts his head down onto his paws. You stride back and grab one end of the box. “On three?” you ask and they nod again. It’s a little awkward because they are so much shorter than you, but you manage to walk the box up into the house.

You enter what you assume is the living room, by the layout, and the furniture. Big stacks of boxes have been stacked here and there. Some look to be slightly crushed. Huh. That’s weird. The kid directs you down a hallway and you follow, supporting your end of the box. It’s honestly not that heavy and you think you could have totally carried it yourself, but you have a feeling that wouldn’t have been acceptable for this kid. They had looked determined to carry this box inside. 

They pull you through a doorway into a bedroom. Or what will be one. You can see the mattress and frame of a bed against a wall, bookcases, and more boxes. You guys set it down among the others. You hold out a high five and they slap it with enthusiasm and a grin. A voice yells “WHAT’S GOING ON HERE?! WHO THE HECK ARE YOU?!” You feel like you jump a foot in the air and look at the doorway. A tall, blue, scaly fish woman is glaring at you. You try not to cower. She’s buff. Like really buff. She glares down at you with one furious yellow eye, the other, you can’t help not noticing, is covered with an eye patch. Another voice says, not quite yelling,”Undyne, please do not raise your voice in this…..” A very tall, so tall she has to duck through the doorway, white furred monster steps in. You can’t move. You’re frozen and all you can do is stare with wide eyes and your jaw down on the floor.


	2. Doggie Introductions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to post the second chapter the same day. I feel bad there weren't any skeletons in the last one.

It’s not like you haven’t seen monsters before. There is a really friendly guy that manages the supermarket you shop at that is completely made of water. It’s just they always look cuddly and harmless. Not like the ones that your suddenly facing.

“U-um……” you stutter. “I’m the neighbor?” you voice weakly. You know how bad this looks. A random stranger standing in their house. Not only that. In their kid’s bedroom. Alone. With their kid. You see a little brown blob come enter the edge of your vision, but your still frozen, staring. Your dad would have said you were being rude, but you cannot tear your gaze away from the two. Thank the heavens they aren’t looking at you. Their eyes are looking down at the brown blob.

You didn’t hear anything but the blob must have communicated with the two monsters because the tall….um…. goat, maybe….her face softens. The fish lady looks kind of annoyed and guilty at the same time. She scratches the back of her head and looks at you from the corner of her eye. “Sorry,” she grumbled. “I thought you were some wierdo.” It takes you a beat or two to unfreeze.

“Um-m…no…it’s my fault. I should have checked with…..um……their parents?” You can’t help the higher pitched ending that turns parents into a question.

At that, all the people in the room start laughing. “Fuhuhuhuhu. Me and Tori? Psssshhhhh,” the blue woman guffaws. She has this huge smile, which shows a lot of very point, very sharp-looking teeth. “I’m just helping them move in. Oh, and the names Undyne.” She holds out a hand to you. You hesitantly take it. It’s hard but warm. She shakes your hand up and down so strongly, your teeth click together.

“Oh Undyne. Careful, you might break our new friend,” the giant goat lady says. She holds out her own hand. You shake it. Her grip is also warm, but soft and you realize she has little paw pads. You feel the edge of a small smile quirk your lip at that.

“I’m Toriel and this is my child, Frisk. Thank you for helping them bring boxes in.” You look down at the kid and they hold out their hand as well. The way she phrases “child” assures your instincts of using they/them pronouns are correct. No one is that gender neutral without trying. You grin, shaking the tyke’s hand and the last of the ice that had frozen you thaws.

“I’m _____. I’m your neighbor across the street. And it was just one box. Do you guys need more help?”

“Oh that is incredibly kind of you, but no. I’m sure you need to continue your day,” Toriel declines.

“Really,” you say. “It’s no trouble. That’s what neighbors’ are for.” You kinda want her to say no again, but you are committed to helping if that’s what she needs.

“Just say yes, Tori. She wants to help.” Undyne blinks at you. Or maybe, that was a wink? Tori looks like she is going to say no again and then the child, Frisk, grabs your hand and walks you outside to the truck. You spend about a half hour unloading the last few boxes and furniture inside. You realize why some of the boxes are somewhat crushed though. Undyne has this really unique technique of taking two boxes and holding them overhead, squished together. You can’t believe the arm strength it would take to lift some of those boxes like that.

Toriel stays inside to put boxes in the rooms they belong in. While you work, you guys chat. Well, you and the adults. Frisk never actually says a word, but every once in a while they “speak” in sign language with Undyne or Toriel and they translate to you. You learn that Undyne is a personal trainer and self-defense instructor. It definitely suits her. She is just helping with the move. Toriel and Frisk are actually ambassadors for the monster embassy. Well, Frisk is one, but you kind of get they more or less tag along to diplomatic events without really having any duties. They are a kid after all.

Your actually become a little embarrassed in hearing about these two’s job. Apparently, your new neighbors are famous. You don’t watch tv or really keep up with current events, but everyone knows about the human kid that fell under the mountain and freed all the monsters. It’s one of those historic moments where everyone knows exactly where they were and what they were doing. It takes you a few minutes to recover from this new knowledge. Famous or not, these are just people, living a life, so you try to push the embarrassment away.

The whole time everyone is unloading from the truck, Gremlin lays quietly in the grass in the front yard. He’s done that cute thing you love, where his belly is flat against the grass and his legs are splayed straight back behind him. His head is still on his paws, but his eyes follow everyone as they move back and forth in front of the house. You are definitely giving him a handful of treats when you get back to your house.

You’ve just set one of the last boxes inside when you see Frisk in the yard bending over to pet Gremlin. You can see it. The way his lip has curled up so you can see just a hint of white teeth. He’s completely stiff and his ears are flat against his skull. He is definitely about to snap at this kid. “HEY!” you shout and hold one hand out as if you could possibly stop them from here. Frisk flinches and looks back at you with a confused and upset expression. But your shout wasn’t really for them. Gremlin is now looking at you and you can tell by the tilt of his head and tail that he definitely knows that you were correcting him. You hot-foot it over. “Sorry, Frisk. I didn’t mean to yell. Just…uh..Gremlin doesn’t like to be petted by strangers,” you finish lamely. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see Undyne standing in the bed of the truck glaring at you.

“Do you want to pet him?” Their previous expression drops and is placed by a big grin and an enthusiastic nod. “Alright. So let’s kneel down.” You demonstrate, making sure that you’re about a foot away at an angle to the dog. Frisk mimics you. “So, Gremlin came from a bad place before he came to live with me. He’s very scared of new people, but he really does want to trust. This is how you gain his trust. First off, don’t stare directly into his eyes for more than a few seconds, otherwise he thinks you’re trying to threaten him. Also, hold your hand out first and let him sniff. If he is comfortable enough, he will let you pet him, but,” you make sure to make eye contact with Frisk so they understand, “don’t pet him on his head. Pet him on his back, ok?”

While you’re explaining this, Gremlin has relaxed back into a looser posture, but his eyes stay trained on you. “Gremlin, come,” you give the command. He bounces up and sits right next to your side. All his attention is on your face now. “Gremlin, this is Frisk.” You reach out a hand and touch the child’s shoulder. He looks at them and then back at you. “Say hello, Gremlin.” You drop your hand and watch. Frisk holds out their hand and then goes stock still. Gremlin looks at you then hesitantly approaches. He sniffs daintily at Frisk’s fingers. He’s holding up one of his paws in nervousness, but he inches up closer to the kiddo, sniffing here and there. Frisk is a trooper and just holds still during Grem’s whole investigation. Then the little dog puts his front paws on their lap and wags his tail tentatively. Frisk gently puts a hand on the dog’s back and starts rubbing. Grem’s tail starts wagging more fiercely and you slowly release a breath.

You look up to find Toriel smiling warmly down at the scene of her kid and your dog getting along. Undyne has just gone back to taking in the last boxes inside. “Can you do me a favor and keep an eye on him, Frisk? I’m honestly surprised he stayed laying down for so long.” They nod and take the end of Gremlin’s leash, but otherwise, most of their attention is on the dog. You snag the last box and take it inside.

Undyne is there. She looks up at you and smiles. “Thanks, for being nice to my friend. I thought I was going to have to pummel you back there.” Her smile turns a little more wolfish with that statement.

“Yeah,” you flush. “I really didn’t mean to yell, but Gremlin is easily scared and he will bite if he thinks he can’t get away. But I introduced him to Frisk, so they should be fine now.”

“Is that how that works?” She says, wrinkling her brow and giving you a curious look.

“It’s a thing I taught him.” You’re a little embarrassed to admit. “It’s a little ritual so that he knows that I trust the person I’m introducing him to and he can trust them, too. It’s like when you introduced yourself earlier. I have to admit, I was a little afraid, but once you did that, I knew I could trust you.”

She furrows her brow for a second, but then gives you a smirk. “I doubt your bite would have been that bad. It’s just, you know, suddenly finding a stranger in the house. Toriel had a few issues with the homeowners’ association and I thought you might have been one of them trying to cause trouble. I’ve been ready to put a beat down all morning.” She flexes her arm and smacks the bicep a few times.

Your eyebrows can’t help but slide up your face. “Really? Why would there be a problem?”

Undyne’s eye scrolls up and down your face. Whatever she sees there gives her an almost conspiratorial smile. “Well, humans are still getting used to monsters. Plus,” and she leans in closer to you looking around the room as if to see if anyone else is around to hear, “it’s kind of a political move. The Queen’s trying to get everyone to intermingle more. It’s almost been a year since freedom and most monsters and humans still aren’t that comfortable with each other. She’s hoping this will help more monsters move into human neighborhoods as well.”

“That’s….that’s really smart, actually,” you say. If people are still getting used to the idea of a whole new race out there, it’s easier to accept when your friendly neighbor is a monster than just hearing about things across town. You think about the school program at work. Local high school students intern at your office all the time. “Hey, we have a program at my publishing office that’s for older students. Do you think monster kids would be interested? They don’t get paid, but they gain job experience and it looks good on a resume.”

Undyne pretty much explodes. “Wow! Really?! That’s an AWESOME idea!” She puts you in a headlock and noogies your head while letting out loud laughs. You can’t stop yourself from catching the energy and let out some deep belly laughs while trying to wiggle out of her steel grip. While you’re trying pull your head out with all your might, she lets go of you and you can’t stop yourself from crashing into a box tower.

“Awe I’m sorry punk. I forget how weak you humans are,” she says as she pulls you to your feet. You just laugh.

“No worries. I’m definitely a weak human,” you joke and mimic her arm flex from earlier and gently slap your bicep. She lets out another one of her booming laughs. You realize it’s been a long time since you’ve actually laughed this much. The thought takes you by surprise. Suddenly, Undyne’s eye widens and she gives your shoulder a small shove. “Hey, you should totally come to my self-defense class, _____! You can get stronger and learn how to use your strength.”

You giggle. “Maybe, but I don’t really get in situations where I need to protect myself. Plus, I can’t imagine trying to hurt someone.” You hear footsteps and see Frisk and Toriel enter through the front door with Gremlin in tow.

“Nonsense! Everyone should be able to defend themselves at any moment. RIGHT, NERD?!” She addresses the last to Frisk. Then freaking picks up a box and throws it at Frisk! You can’t stop yourself from giving a sharp gasp, but Frisk deftly just steps out of the way, letting the box hit the wall. Gremlin immediately spooks and runs behind a couch. Frisk just gives a huge smile and a thumbs up. A glare is not quite the word you would use for Toriel’s expression. Undyne just smiles sheepishly, but clearly not really that remorseful. “Sorry, I was just proving a point. _______ should come to one of my classes.”

“Undyne,” Toriel says quietly, “I would like to politely ask you to refrain from attacking my child.” Wow, this turned really awkward. She turns to Frisk. “My child, will you please go start unpacking your room?” Frisk nods and gives you a small wave as they head out of the room. Toriel gives Undyne another sharp look and then says to you, “I want to sincerely thank you for all the help. We were done much faster than I thought.”

“It was really no problem, but I really got to head out. It’s time for me to go to work,” you reassure her. “Have a good day, Toriel, Undyne. Come on Gremlin.” The dog sneaks out from behind one of the boxes and follows you out the door. Your just down their driveway when you hear Undyne roar, “TORI CAN GIVE YOU THE DEETS! CALL ME!” With that, she turns back into the house, just a flash of a brilliant red ponytail.

After that encounter, you check the time and realize you’re actually going to be late to work if you don’t hurry. It’s just a quick jog over to your house. You take the quickest shower you’ve ever done, get changed into some decent clothes, gather up your things, feed the animals, and head out to work. You can’t stop smiling during the drive. You have new neighbors and for the first time in forever you are actually feeling good.

\---------------------

It wasn’t until after lunch that you remembered the puzzle book. You had scooped everything into your purse this morning so you pull it out. The reason this type of mail usually goes to you is because you have the patience to read through them, looking for gems. Tiffany says you have good instincts when it comes to picking up new contracts. And this one is definitely making your instincts tingle. The script is certainly very interesting, but you’re not sure if it’s something that can actually sell with your company. You’re not really a puzzle person, besides the occasional Sudoku on your phone. But an idea strikes you.

It takes some searching on the web, but you find what you are looking for. It doesn’t take much time to scan some of the pages and then upload them. All you have to do is wait for responses. In the meantime, you work. There are emails to fire off, scripts to edit, and authors that you need to chat on the phone with. This satisfied feeling bubbles up in your chest when you read an email from your boss.

Tiffany really liked the idea of offering internships to high schoolers from Mountain View. She had typed that she will get someone from the marketing department right on it. That makes your frown a little. You don’t really want it to be a publicity thing and you tell Tiffany so in your response email. The alarm on your phone goes off and you realize it’s time for you to go home. You look down at one of the photocopied puzzle pages that is resting on the edge of your desk. You had been messing around with some copied versions to preserve the original and try and solve one of the other sections. It’s one from the first part with the groups of boxes. Each one of the boxes has a dotted line around them. Why does that seem so familiar to you?

You contemplate the nature of puzzles while you absently doodle on a piece of scrap paper. It’s a relaxing past time for you. The doodle resolves itself into a little skeleton dog. Honestly, you’re not surprised. Bones are a hobbie of yours, especially skulls. There is quite a collection in your craft shop. Your sister always hated them. A pang hits your heart. For a second, your vision gets blurry and you blink your eyes rapidly to force away tears that had started to accumulate. Just ignore it, you tell yourself. Move on. There’s nothing you can do by dwelling. You wrap up in that protective numbness and ignore any other feelings.

You stuff a few things into your purse and then head home. It’s light outside when you pull into your driveway. Your phone buzzes and you check the text. The message is asking if you can babysit Friday for the Turners’ kids down the way. You automatically message to confirm, because, it’s not like you go anywhere anyway. You’re sitting in your car as you do this, when you glance up and look into the rear-view mirror. Toriel’s house is easily visible in the reflection. An idea sparks in your head. You head into your house and get a few things together.

When you had first moved here, you hadn’t known anyone besides…..you know. So your services had been offered for free babysitting services to your neighbors. Some, like the Turners’ took you up on the offer. You honestly liked kids and, you have to admit to yourself, the last 10 months have been incredibly hard. When you babysit, at least you’re distracted. You complete your project and quickly gather it up before you lose your nerve.

Standing outside of Toriel’s house, you pull your jacket around yourself a little closer, steel yourself, and then knock. It takes a few moments, but Toriel comes to the door. She has to hunch over slightly to see you through the doorway. “Hi Toriel, I just wanted to give you this.” You hand it to her. It’s a mason jar with fabric decoration on the lid and black board paint on the front. You had carefully written “Sugar” in big flowery writing on the front and sealed it. You had also placed a handwritten tag tied to the top with your name and phone number on it. Toriel inspects it gently, a smile tugging at her lips. “It’s a cup of sugar, so…you…..you know….can always borrow a cup from me. And my phone number is on there so if you ever need a babysitter for Frisk, you can always call me. I babysit for a lot of parents in our neighborhood.” You look up at her earnestly. “And, you know….if you need anything else, feel free to call. I don’t mind helping out with whatever you need. What are neighbors for?” The last few statements comes out a little rushed and run together. Your face is a little flushed. You’ve always had a hard time making new friends and your wish to be ones with your new neighbor is making it hard to talk at a normal rate. She leans forward to pat you on the shoulder and give you a soft smile.

“Thank you so much for the generosity. It’s very _sweet_ of you.” There is a sparkle in her eyes. “I have to admit I was nervous moving to a human neighborhood, but meeting you makes me think it was a good decision.”

“Oh, and before I forget. Could you possibly get the info for Undyne’s class?” Your flush deepens a little. “The self-defense class sounds fun.”

Toriel chuckles. “Of course. I will get the ‘deets’ to you.” There’s a beat of silence and you turn to go, but she stops you. “Wait a moment, my friend. I have something for you as well.” She turns and disappears back into her house. You peek inside a little bit. The living room is set up with a couch in the center of the room and what appears to be the biggest recliner you’ve ever seen. It’s all situated in front of the fireplace. It doesn’t look like the arrangement has been finished yet. Toriel comes in from the kitchen and spots you. She has a wide smile on her muzzle now. She hands you a small wooden box. “Thank you for being such a posi _tea_ vely great neighbor.” You raise an eyebrow, not sure why she giggles after making the statement. The box opens to reveal bags of tea. The bags definitely look homemade. The aroma wafting up from the little packets is incredibly pleasant.

You smile up at her. “Wow! Thank you. I love tea. What kind is it?”

“It is a special monster blend called Golden Flower tea. It’s meant for times when you want to be calm. I made it myself. You could say,” and you see that sparkle in her eye again, “it’s my own special reci _tea_.”

You’re confused. She keeps making these sly looks at you. “Um…..well. Thank you again. Have a great night.” You give a small wave and head back to your house. It’s not until you’re putting the box of tea away that you realize Toriel had been making puns. You slap a hand to your face and groan. You’re so thick sometimes. Next time, you promise yourself, you will try and pick up on that. A trickle of pleasure races through your chest. Next time. You definitely want there to be a next time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	3. Mountain View

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at all of yous! Hope your Friday is going well.

You lightly bang your head against your desk. It makes these hollow thumps that echo a little in the deserted office. It’s a few hours after most folks have already gone home. Even Tiffany was gone. You had stayed late, once again to finish a script, but your attention became distracted. It’s been a few days since you last looked at this. You were currently staring at one of Papyrus’ puzzling puzzles. The solution has alluded you. Frustration was making you annoyed that you couldn’t understand it. Usually understanding came easy to you.

You run a hand through your hair and sigh. Your eyes roam over your desktop. There are neat stacks of papers and a pile of mail in your inbox. Tape, pencil holder, stapler. You stare down at the puzzle. And the dash marks. You can feel a thought in your brain trying to wiggle around and connect. You look at your desk again, then at the puzzle. Scissors? A pair of scissors are sticking out of your pencil holder. You pick them up, then stare at the puzzle again. Are the dotted outlines of the squares meant to signal they need to be cut?

You start cutting out the little squares. They’re in obvious groups so you keep them together. You also try to keep them in the formation that they were on the page. You set the scissors down and contemplate the puzzle again. You move around the pieces of paper in one group. And then it clicks.

With some arranging, the boxes actually make a picture. It’s a distorted letter B. Understanding finally rages through you. It doesn’t take that long before you have rearranged the squares into letters. You feel triumphant and kinda surprised at your own reasoning skills. Now you have 9 letters looking back up at you. B-L-A-T-I-E-F-U-U. It’s a word jumble. You mess around with this for a while and the word finally emerges. You can’t help, but laugh when you finally get it. Your desk drawer catches a little as you pull it out and gently grab the original manuscript. You flip through the book again. Two out of three sections solved. You set the script on the desk.

Your keyboard makes a loud scrape in the empty room. You log back into your idle computer and immediately get onto the forums you had found before. You had deliberately been avoiding checking until you had solved the puzzles yourself, but with the few days it had taken you to solve just two sections, you couldn’t wait any longer. The biggest smile spreads across your face. You had spent an hour or two tracking down puzzle lover forums and websites. This is where you had uploaded a few scanned puzzles. You had posted them asking for others opinions on them. You had not left any instructions on how to solve them either. From the reaction posts, they were a huge success. One popular forum was already up to a few hundred pages of comments. Across all sites, people were asking if you could upload more. Unfortunately, you accidentally read a post that explains the second section of puzzles. To be honest though, you would never have solved it on your own. Apparently, the different circles, lines, and dots are a code that you follow and turns the page into a maze you then have to solve.

It had taken you another hour of work until you finally, exhaustedly, headed home. Your proposal to Tiffany of why the publishing office should print a puzzle book had been hard to write. You had pulled together results from the sites to support yourself, but you were nervous that even with the positive reception, this proposal would be rejected. You couldn’t remember the last time you were so passionate about a possible new book. Your nerves were still humming when you finally went to sleep.

_______________________________________

You knock gently on the office door. A sing song voice says, “Come on in!” Your boss is behind her desk, typing. She looks up at you, her eyes widened in surprise, but a sharp grin jumps into place regardless. “______! What brings you to my lair?” Tiffany tucks a blonde strand of hair behind her ear.

“I’ve got a proposal for you,” you say holding up a folder and manuscript. One of her immaculate eyebrows lifts. Tiffany is one of those people that always looks great. She is older than you, but she always has a trendy haircut and stylish clothing. You, on the other hand, just stick to basic, comfortable, professional outfits that don’t require a lot of ironing or dry cleaning. It normally doesn’t bother you, until you’re in a situation like this. It just adds more to your nerves. 

She holds a hand out for the documents and you pass them over. You watch as her eyes scan over the manuscript. She flips through it for a few minutes. You can’t stop yourself from tensing up. Normally, the manuscripts you read over are simply put on her desk with a brief note saying why or why not you think that particular one would do well. Tiffany then moves on to your proposal and the documents you had created showing screen shots of the forums. You had also included the demand for something like this. Your biggest example is those adult coloring books that suddenly appeared about a year ago. Everyone went crazy for them and you had even bought one or two yourself. 

After several more minutes, she looks up and meets your eyes. “You haven’t come to me with a proposal in a while. Why this one? Are you getting a hunch?”

You take a breath and nod. “I know it’s not our usual fare, but I’ve really got a feeling about this one. I think it’s going to do well.” You run a hand nervously through your hair. “I know it’s a risk. I was thinking that we supply it to local bookshops and businesses and see how it does. It could be a test market. If it sells well, we can look into printing more and supplying to other places.” You stare down at the title of the script. “Tiffany, my spidey senses are tingling really badly on this one. I’m pretty confident this will make money.”  
This whole time, Tiffany has been reading your expression and watching your eyes. She looks down at your proposal, contemplating. She sighs and looks back up at you. “Alright. You have never been wrong about a book. But you’re making the deal with the author. This is your baby.” She laughs. “Besides, it’s nice you’re showing initiative again. Since…um…..you know.” You can’t meet her eyes suddenly.

“Yeah,” you say softly. You really haven’t been interested in anything since your sister died.

_______________________________________________

You’re staring up at a huge wooden sign that stretches across a street. It says “Welcome to Mountain View” and the pillars holding it up are covered in various monster carvings. The streets are packed with people, monsters and humans alike. You tug slightly on your shoulder bag’s strap. It was heavy from the large envelope containing the manuscript and documents and a spare change of clothes for later. It’s your day off. You yawn unexpectedly and cover your mouth. The Turners’ had stayed out late and you had to stay up, because James and Jessica, the 8 and 9 year olds, would sometimes wake up after you had gone to bed and wreak havoc. A memory of a flour dust explosion in the Turners’ kitchen briefly crossed your mind. They had stuck a bunch of flour in the blender and it had taken you an hour to make them forcibly clean that up. You blinked, trying to clear the image from your head. You were set on enjoying today.

Since you had never been in this part of town, your idea had been to park your car in one of the large parking lots meant for tourists and walk around a little. You’re definitely in a tourist trap area. The streets are blocked off from cars and it’s lined with knick-knack shops, restaurants, bars, cafés, etc. Everything is a riot of colors and you can’t help thinking that it looks like a studio Ghibli scene. You look down at your phone at the address you had entered. The little dot marking your destination is probably 20 blocks away from you.  
The thing you notice the most is all the food. It’s seems to be sold at every shop. Things like candy, doughnuts, fresh fruit, and something called Temmie flakes. You stop at one of the little shops and eye the candy. Have you ever had monster food? You don’t think so. You know that it’s not the same as human food and it’s all the rage for dieting. Apparently making food with magic turns it straight into energy, no calories. It also doesn’t spoil either.

You pick out a few of the pieces of candy and take it up to the cashier. The monster gives you a quick smile and rings up the total for you. You’re not sure if you are weirded out by them mostly being an eyeball or just fascinated. Their forehead (upper eye lid maybe?) creases in a frown and you realize you had been staring instead of taking your change. “Oh sorry,” you apologize. “Your eye is just such a pretty color.” And it is. It’s not built like a human eye, but the iris is a deep green color that pops even more against their crimson skin. They blush an even darker red. “O-oh. Well thank you,” they say shyly. You flash a smile and wish them a great day. The monster waves as you leave the shop. 

Back on the street, you decide to wander. There is just so much to see. You try to stop yourself from outright staring at more monsters. Curiosity keeps bubbling up in you. A lot of monsters you see remind you of animals, but there are also plenty that just look like objects, like the monster that floats by that looks like a jet plane in a very girly hat. For a second, you’re distracted by an enticing smell. Burgers. You love burgers. They’re the ultimate food. Your mouth starts watering. You’re not even hungry, you scold yourself. The smell is coming from a place with a bright neon sign overhead declaring the name, Grillby’s. They looked really packed. Must be popular. Maybe you will go there for dinner?  
You spend a few hours just exploring. There are quite a few streets just like the one you’re on. What surprises you is the canal that goes through a huge main street and off into the distance. It makes sense though, once you watch the water for a minute. You can see several outlines of monsters below the surface as they swim by. There is a sign that politely asks to not swim unless you are using the canal for travel. A voice catches your attention. 

“Tra la la...” someone in long robes sings. They are gently steering a boat along the canal. You can see a few people stop to take pictures. As the hooded figure passes through, for a second, you think they are staring at you. You stiffen as your suddenly looking into a black nothing underneath a hood. Your heart starts to beat wildly. An involuntary shiver runs down your spine. You’ve rarely ever been so aware of another’s attention before. And then it passes. The figure keeps moving along, singing their strange tune. You rub the goosebumps that had appeared on your arm. You vividly remembered that time when you had gone on a tour for a big cat rescue. It had been really neat, except for this one old tiger. It had just stared at you, through you. You knew without a doubt it was sizing you up. Being a tiger, it was probably judging whether you were prey. You’re not sure what that feeling means with a monster.

You decide it might be time to go find this Papyrus Skeleton. It takes you a moment to find the address on your phone again. You take one of the arched bridges to cross the canal. As you move away from the main street, the mood seems to change around you. The closest parts of Mountain View to the rest of Ebotton are loud and eye-stabbingly colorful. As you move away, the buildings give way to homes and quiet streets. They are still colorful, but in a muted way. It’s peaceful. You can hear birds chirp. There are other people sharing the sidewalk with you, but now it’s more monsters with the occasional human. You also see traveling canals here, but they aren’t as wide as that first one. It kind of makes you think that this is what Venice, Italy might be like. You understand now why there had been so many parking lots earlier. This area is not designed for cars.

It doesn’t take you long to find the small house. It’s kind of noticeable in the fact there is an extremely shiny, red sports car parked in the yard. You search up and down the street. How the heck did it get here? The sidewalk would barely be wide enough to get it down. Maybe they flew it here? You’ve heard some human mages can do stuff like that.   
Actually, you’ve heard a lot of ridiculous stuff about human mages. There’s all sorts of rumors about flying through the air, growing a whole field a crops in a hand wave, healing with a touch, blowing up things with their mind, killing people with a look…..you shiver at some of the rumors you have heard. Everyone gets tested for magical abilities when their young, but it’s like 1 in 50,000 have any actual ability. You wonder if that used to be different. Every monster is apparently a mage in their own right. Was that because of a bottlenecked population? Or maybe an evolutionary response to being trapped underground?

A bear monster that is twice your height side steps you, giving you an odd, quizzical look. You realize that you’ve been standing in the middle of the street staring at this house. Oh god, you must look like a creep. You tamp down your questions and walk up to the house. Like all of the other houses you’ve seen, it’s a tract home, but besides the red car, this one also has the biggest kid’s playset you’ve ever seen rising out of the backyard. It’s so tall that it’s taller than the house. Strange. Normally people who own sports cars like that aren’t very kid oriented. 

You pause at the front door. Nervousness is bubbling in you. You honestly don’t know what to expect, but decide to bite the bullet and just knock on the door. After a minute, you knock again. Nobody answers. Crap. They must not be home. You knock one last time, but you don’t hear anything. You turn to leave. Just as you’ve completely made it around, you hear the door swing open. You turn back and a shocked laugh escapes you. You slap your hand over your mouth in horror. Because a skeleton is standing before you. The realization that maybe Skeleton as a last name had not only been a surname but a description had never crossed your mind. Can the earth just swallow you up right now?

One brow bone arches, but his smile doesn’t move. You think it’s a guy anyway. And then your distracted by the fact that he just moved his skull like it was normal skin. How does that work? You realize that, once again, you are being incredibly rude. Is this going to be a new common theme with monsters? “Oh, I’m so sorry. My name is ______. I’m hoping Papyrus Skeleton is home?” His gaze shifts down the papers and binder in your hands.

“m’ not all that interested in what your selling. don’t need any new vacuum cleaners or religion today,” he says in a surprisingly deep voice. He starts shutting the door.

“W-wait! I just wanted to talk to you about the book you sent my publishing company.” You hold up the script in question. “You are Papyrus Skeleton, right?” He looks down at the manuscript for a second and then back up at you.

“huh. why don’t you come in?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there was a skeleton in it ;)


	4. Tasteful Nude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back! Has it been a week already? Please read the end note for some more info!

You follow the monster inside. He directs you into a living room where a green couch and coffee table rest. You set down the manuscript and binder on the table and your bag on the floor, then sit on the couch. The loudest, longest farting sound escapes from under you. For a second, you think you’re going to collapse because all the blood has rushed to your face, leaving the rest of your body numb. A chuckle rumbles out from the skeleton’s chest as he takes a seat at the opposite end of the couch. “i _gas_ i’m excited about your of _fart_. what was it again?” He nonchalantly reaches underneath the sofa pillow your sitting on and pulls out a whoopee cushion. You realize he’s using puns, but where it had been cute with Toriel, this feels almost rude. You have to force a fake laugh. Who hides whoopee cushions in their couch?

You try to get back on track. “Uh…how did you know about our offer?” You look down at your hands, trying to get the blush to leave your face.

“let’s just say you’re not the first. how much would i have to pay up front this time?” He’s slumped himself down into the couch cushion, looking completely bored with you. Even his smile looks flat. He’s even closed the eye farthest away from you like it’s too much effort to concentrate with both eyes.

“Up front?” you say confused. “Papyrus, can I call you Papyrus?” His eye flickers to you for a second, but after some hesitation, he nods. “I’m not with that kind of agency.” You reach over and pull out the contract that you had the legal team draft. You offer it to him. “We aren’t asking you to pay the front end. This is how much we are offering to pay you. We’re not a publishing company that normally takes puzzle books, but yours is very different than what I’ve seen. It’s new. The first payment would be that much,” you point to the appropriate spot, “and the rest would continue conditional upon how well it does. We’re only looking at local distribution at this point, but we are willing to distribute nationwide, if it does well.”

Now, Papyrus is scanning through the pages, reading it over. You’re distracted again, by his face. At least his eyes this time. They appear to be empty sockets, except for these soft glowing lights. They’re moving back and forth just like your eyes would while reading. They’re…..actually kind of……pretty. You mentally slap yourself. Don’t get distracted! “Please take your time going over it. We can’t sign it today anyway. It would need to be notarized. Do you have an agent?” He looks up at you.

He waves around the pieces of paper. “you’re serious about this? you actually want to offer this much for a puzzle book?” The guy looks at you like you’re a crazy person.

“Well after some edits of course. I was hoping you had some more puzzles up your sleeve.” You grab the manuscript and scooch closer to him so he can see the script too. Your fingers cause a scraping noise as you flip through. “I think you have a lot of puzzles in each of the three parts, but I think it’s too much. I was hoping to keep the same number of pages, but add two more sections. And the order is off. I think going from easiest to hardest would also be more appealing.” You’ve flipped to the last sections. “I was able to figure out pretty quick that this is a word search.” You flip to the first section. “This one is great though. Very challenging. It made me have to use some serious brain power to figure this one out.” You smile up at him. “This section though, I had to get help with. I’m pretty sure I would never have been able to figure this one out on my own.” It’s the code section. After someone had revealed to you how it works, you had gone back and done a few. Though fun, it hadn’t been as satisfying as when you had figured it out on your own. “But it’s still enjoyable, I just think…”

His smile has turned into a smirk but he seems genuinely interested in listening to you. It’s definitely a step up from the bored expression from early. “ok, woah. before we get into technicals, do you want somethin’ to drink?” he asks.

“Uh sure. Whatever you have is fine.” He tosses the contract he’s been holding onto the table and leaves through a doorway you presume is the kitchen. You sit and try and reign yourself in. He hasn’t even signed the contract yet. You can’t legally work on it until that is accomplished. A sigh escapes you and you look around the room. There is a large screen TV directly across from you. Next to it, there is a large media tower packed full of various movies and console games. Are those VHS’? Huh. You didn’t realize anyone still watched VHS. You look underneath the TV and see various game systems, a DVD player, and a battered looking VHS player.

Your eyes wander over to a painting of a large bone. You can feel the corner of your mouth curl a little as you fight a grin. Do skeletons like bones? You don’t have a picture of your arm or your leg hanging around your house. It’s not even an accurate representation of a bone. It’s more like a cartoon. Is it supposed to be the equivalent of a tasteful nude painting or something ironic?

There’s a soft clink next to you and you flinch. Papyrus has set a mug of coffee and bowl down for you. He’s holding a glass bottle of something red. You can just see the edge of the label and realize its ketchup. “wasn’t sure how you liked it so brought a few things.” He settles back into the couch with a slouch again. He raises the bottle to his mouth and you watch in horror as he sets the edge against his teeth and sips some of it through his smile. Is that a monster thing? Do they use certain foods a different way? Not to mention the fact he doesn’t even open his mouth to drink.

You’re almost relieved when you turn back to the table and see a mug of coffee. To be honest, you don’t really like coffee, but you’ve learned to tolerate it, so you take a sip without adding any sugar or cream from the bowl he’s provided. Just enough to be polite. You stifle a grimace.

After setting the mug back on the table, you turn back to the skeleton man. He makes eye (light?) contact with you. His grin is not really a grin anymore and you aren’t sure how to read his expression. “so, what makes ya so interested in this, huh? you said this isn’t normally what your company prints.”

You take a second to think about it. To be honest, you’re not exactly sure. There is no specific reason you can point to, but something in your chest is tugging at you. You’ve always called it your spidey sense, but it’s not for danger. It’s just a feeling you sometimes get that tells you to do something. It’s probably only happened a handful of times at work, but each book that you had gotten the sense with before had made a lot of money. But you can’t tell him that. He’d think you were crazy. Well, he probably already thought you were crazy.

So instead you said, “Well, like I said before, this one seems to be different. And so I researched.” You picked up the binder. “There is a market out there for puzzle books like these. Look how well they did with a test audience.” You handed the binder over and he scanned the pages. He silently read so long you were starting to get apprehensive.

And then you heard a noise. The sound of the front door opening. Papyrus jerked up and then looked at you with…..guilt? A loud exuberant voice called out, “SANS! YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE THIS! I HAVE PURCHASED THE MOST DELIGHTFUL PASTA. IT IS IN THE SHAPE OF SUPERHEROS. NOW WE CAN HAVE SPAGHETTI THAT IS NOT ONLY GREAT, LIKE MYSELF, BUT…..WHO IS THIS?”

You look up into the eye sockets of a new skeleton, but one that is almost as tall as Undyne. He’s wearing a crop top that says “JogBoy” across the front and workout shorts. You jump up to introduce yourself. “Hello, my name is _____. I’m talking with your brother Papyrus here about his puzzlebook.”

“HIS PUZZLEBOOK? NYEH. YOU MUST BE MISTAKEN HUMAN _____. I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO MAKES PUZZLES AROUND HERE. MY BROTHER IS TOO MUCH OF A LAZYBONES. WELL, EXCEPT FOR THOSE,” he squints his eye bones down in contemplation and rubs a mittened hand on his chin, “PRANK PUZZLES. BUT I DO NOT BELIEVE PUZZLES CAN BE PRANKS. ONE SHOULD NOT BE HIT IN THE FACE WITH PIE WHEN ONE SOLVES A PUZZLE.”

You process his words for a second and then turn to the other skeleton. “Aren’t you Papyrus Skeleton?” you ask breathlessly. The one you thought was the author, definitely had a guilty look on his face. “But you said your name was Papyrus.” You were confused why he would say so.

“i never said i was. you just assumed.” For a second, your feelings warred with themselves. On the one hand, you felt like crap, because you assumed because he was skeleton, he was most likely Papyrus Skeleton. On the other, he could have corrected it, but he pretended he was, which was all sorts of red flags. If the real Papyrus had not come, would you have even known who the real author was? If the book was published, would his brother have collected the royalties? You would have lost your job if that had happened.

You’re not exactly sure how you should feel, but anger boils up in your chest. The one thing you hate is when people lie. You turn and glare at the skeleton on the couch. His face has resolved into this static grin that you can’t seem to read. He sets down the binder on the couch.

“Excuse me. How rude of me. My name is _______. What would your name be?” You’re trying to reign the anger in, but it makes your voice sound clipped and sarcastic.

“no problem. it’s sans. sans the skeleton.” You reach down and pick up the binder and grab the script from the table. Then you completely turn your back on him and try to pretend he’s not there.

“I’m sorry for the confusion, _Papyrus_ ,” making sure to put emphasis on his name. “I’m here because my company would like to offer a contract for your puzzlebook. No money up front. We would be paying you.” You notice you’re having a hard time controlling your voice, but Papyrus doesn’t seem to care.

“MY PUZZLEBOOK WAS ACCEPTED?! NYEHEHEH! I KNOW IT IS GREAT, LIKE MANY THINGS I MAKE, BUT I AM HAPPY ONE OF YOUR BOOK PRINTING PLACES HAS RECOGNIZED THAT.” He’s posed, with hands on his hips. A scarf around his neck ruffles a little in a non-existent wind. You’re sure that if you weren’t so livid, you would find it funny. But all you can muster is annoyance. Ugh. You’re also annoyed with yourself. This is a potential client. You need to be professional, but you’re not sure if you can muster that right now. You need to get out of here and cool down before you say something you regret.

You hand him the binder and script. “I’m sorry, but I didn’t plan this very well and have another appointment I need to get to. Inside is a contract for the book and my card. Please, have your lawyer call my office on Monday and we can get the ball rolling on this. I’m sorry I can’t stay, but I think your _brother_ ,” and it’s hard to not let that word come out like a growl, “would be more than willing to explain things to you.”

“WELL, I AM SORRY THAT YOU MUST GO. I’VE HARDLY MET YOU HUMAN. BUT PLEASE, HAVE A NICE TIME AT YOUR OTHER APPOINTMENT.” You feel guilty with how sincere he sounds, but you still gather up your bag. After giving Papyrus another apology, you let yourself out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that didn't go as planned. Wonder why Sans is being such a jerk. 
> 
> So, dear readers, I have the story line all planned out, but if there is something your interested in reading or shenanigans to see, please leave a comment below. I'm more than open to ideas.


	5. COME AT ME!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Man, I'm so happy it's finally Friday. Some fun stuff is going to be coming up soon in the next few chapters. I'm so excited to write it this weekend!
> 
> Please leave any critiques or suggestions for what you would like to see in the comments. I read all of them and they fill me with determination!

You hadn’t lied when you said you had another appointment. You’re standing outside of a gym gripping the shoulder strap of your bag. You are still in Mountain View, but at the edge. The next street over, you can see cars whiz by. Your anger hasn’t completely bubbled away and you’re not sure if it will help or hinder in this situation. You had tentatively started texting Undyne. She had been more than enthusiastic when you had expressed interest in one of her self-defense training classes. Not like you would ever need it, but it did sound sorta fun.

You go inside and are met by a gal behind the front desk. To either side of it are rows and rows of weights and machines, not to mention various people working out. An incredibly perky voice catches your attention. “Hi, I’m Amanda. Welcome to Riptide Gym. How can I help you?”

You look down at the tiny receptionist behind the desk. “Um…..I’m here for a self-defense class. It’s being taught by Undyne?” The unsureness is hard to keep from your voice.

The gal behind the counter immediately stands up. “Oh. Yeah, the class starts in 10 minutes. Are you a member here?” You shake your head. “Well, there is a $10 fee for not being a member.” Amanda’s smiling so wide at you, you think you can count her teeth. You rummage around in your bag and pull out two fives from your wallet. “Okie dokie then!” She comes around the desk and you realize she is at least a foot shorter than you. “So over there,” she points, “is where you can get changed and that hallway off to the right is where the classes are done. You’ll want the 3rd door on the right. I would hurry up. Undyne likes to make ‘examples’ of people who are late to class.” She giggles.

“Uh, what kind of examples?” you ask as she moves back behind the desk. She gives a big toothed grin that sorta reminds you of Undyne’s.

“You’ll just have to see.” She gives you a wink. You can’t stop yourself giving a grin back. You head where she indicates. It doesn’t take you long to change to the clothes in your bag and then you’re heading down the hallway. Did she say 2nd or 3rd door on the right? You peek through a small window in the 2nd door. No giant blue fish woman. You move to the next. She’s definitely in there. Unlike anywhere else in the parts of the building you’ve seen, there are a few monsters besides her in there.

Oh crap, you think as you realize she must have already started class. For a second, you hesitate, but then you try to open the door as quietly as possible. It doesn’t work.

Undyne is in the middle of saying “So last week we went over people coming at you from the front, today we will be going over……..” You realize the moment she spots you. “FUHUHUHUHU! We have a STRAGGLER!” Undyne shouts from across the room. She takes a step and then just leaps over the heads of a few people. Holy crap! Who does shit like that? She lands a few feet from you and strides over. You make a squeaking sound when she grabs your hand and pulls you to the front of the class.

Your face is incredibly flushed. All eyes are on you. “This is my new friend, _____. It looks like she has kindly decided to be my demonstration volunteer today.” There a few laughs around the room and you see a man give you a sympathetic look.

“So, as I was saying before. We are going to go over people coming at you from behind. There are various techniques depending on how they grab you. We are going to start with one person unarmed attack. And the best way for you to learn is to see it. So _______, COME AT ME!” She turns her back to you, hands at her side.

You freeze, not sure what to do. How would someone attack? She’s so much taller than you. So, you timidly grab her around the middle, over her arms. It’s more like an awkward hug, but you don’t have very long to contemplate the embarrassment. Undyne lets out a roar, leans forward and you’re suddenly on your rump being pulled along by your leg.

You’re so surprised by it, you can’t help the laugh that comes out when you find yourself flat on your back with one leg between Undyne’s thighs and the other hooked awkwardly around one of her legs. You’re just thankful that there is a mat on the floor, preventing the move from hurting you. “FUHUHUHU! You didn’t even put up a fight! Ok, so this is one way to throw off your attacker. They will expect you to struggle and try to break the hold, but they won’t expect you to go for their legs. But that won’t work for someone who is heavier than you. Now, TRY AGAIN _____!”

You stand back up and pull down your shirt some after it had gotten rucked up from the drag. This time, you’re a little more determined to put up a fight. You grab hard around her, as high as you can go, which is really just the middle of her chest. She just goes limp and you struggle for a second, trying to keep you both vertical, until you both topple forward. Your hands are stuck underneath her and all you can do is sorta squawk when she grabs your arms and rolls over so now you’re pinned underneath her.

It’s getting hard to breath. Undyne has your arms pinned against her chest so you can’t even pull them free to try to push her off. Then she plants her feet and arches her butt and lower back up. Her upper back is now pushing brutally hard down on your chest. All the air you had is forcibly pressed out of your lungs. You have no air and your vision starts getting little white and black dots around the edges.

After what feels like eternity, she releases her arms rolls off of you. “You alright, nerd?” she asks, almost quietly, as she pulls you up to your feet. You can’t answer yet. All your effort is in leaning forward, hands on your knees and trying to suck in as much air as you can. You just give a thumbs up and a wobbly smile. She lets out one of those booming laughs again, claps you on the back, and turns to the class.

“This technique is great if you’re the same weight or larger than your attacker. Who else wants to TRY ME!” She roars. You cast a pleading look around the room. Your eye catches the sympathetic man’s and you guys stare at each other for a moment.

He winks, then makes a loud, dramatic sigh and says, “I guess I’ll be tribute.”

Undyne seems to be delighted. “Oh, ho, ho! Morgan? You’re volunteering? Well then. PREPARE YOURSELF!”

The class continues with various people who are voluntold into different scenarios. Then Undyne lets everyone break up into individual partners. You awkwardly stand as everyone matches up with other people. Soon, you’re just watching others practice different moves. You look around the room and see the only other person left watching like you. You’re not sure what exact type of monster she is, but she does look like some sort of insect in a tattered bedsheet. Her wings make a gentle hum as they hover above the ground. You can immediately tell she has realized you’re the only other partner left and is wringing her hands nervously.

You understand immediately how you are going to have to act. Sidling up slowly, you never look her straight in the face, but say gently, “Heya. I’m ______. I don’t have anybody to practice with. Would it be ok if we partner up?” She gives a little squeak, dropping towards the floor.

She recovers and, wringing her hands even more frantically, quietly say, “S-s-sorry. Um-m…that w-would-d be al-l-lright. My n-name is W-w-whinny.”

You both face off from each other, though you try to still continue to look as unthreatening as possible. “Who should go first?” you ask.

“U-Uh….u-u-u-uh-h….,” Whinny stutters.

“Well, how about I pretend to be the attacker? Would that be ok?” Whinny gives you a shaky head nod. You don’t think it was the most productive practice. Every time you try to grab Whinny, she always dodged out of the way. At one point, she bursts into tears. You apologized profusely, but Whinny just told you it was ok, that she cries all the time. You can’t help, but noticing Undyne occasionally looking at you. She seems to be studying you. You try to ignore it. Maybe she’s watching to make sure you don’t hurt Whinny. After the crying, Whinny and you switch roles, but it didn’t get much better. Whinny couldn’t really do much against you. Honestly, you couldn’t take her seriously when she went to grab you. You eventually dissolve into laughter and surprisingly, so does Whinny. The class ended soon after that.

Everyone is heading to get their stuff, but you and the little monster just hang out. “It was very nice to meet you Whinny. Will you be here next class?”

She nods fervently, “Yes! I-i- I’m practicing on-n t-talking to p-p-people. It-t went well! I-I only c-c-cried once!” She breaks out in a watery smile. You wonder for a moment how often she normally cries throughout the day. You’ve had days like that.

“Well, that’s fantastic Whinny. I hope we can be partners next class.” And you might actually come to another class. The self-defense portion didn’t actually appeal to you, but you’re always up for helping someone out. You hesitantly put a hand out in the universal sign for high five, and after a moment, Whinny gives your hand a tentative touch.

You’re both startled when your name is yelled from across the room. “_______! Hey punk! Come over here for a sec.”

“Uh…it looks like Undyne wants to talk to me. I’m sorry Whinny. I’ll see you next time, right?” She nods her head so enthusiastically that she bobs almost to the floor. “Bye then. Hope the rest of your day goes well.” You stride to the other side of the room. Undyne’s packing up a large gym bag. You think for a second you see a handle of a weapon in there. But that can’t be right. Noone brings weapons to the gym. She zips up the bag and turns to you.

“I was wondering if you know what anime is,” Undyne states in a serious tone. You blink for a second totally taken aback.

“Yeah. I know what it is.” You can’t help giving her a quizzical look. This is totally not how you thought this would go. “I’ve watched a few different series.”

“Good! Great! I’m having a movie night at my house. We usually watch anime too. I was thinking you should come over. Meet some of my buddies, make new friends.” Is it weird that your heart feels suddenly light? It’s one thing to get invited to a class, but totally another to get invited to a home. Your actually pretty stoked.

“Uh. Sure. Sounds fun. Do I need to bring anything?”

“Just bring a movie or something. We’ll have hot food and drinks there, so don’t worry about that stuff. I’ll text you my address later.” Then Undyne’s phone goes off. You’re pretty sure it’s an opening song to an anime, but you can’t quite place it. Why does it remind you of cats? “I gotta take this. But you are coming next class, right?” She is holding the phone in her webbed hand, but hasn’t answered it yet.

You give a nod and say, “Yeah. I’ll be here.” Undyne flashes her teeth in a sharp smile and gives you a “light” punch on the arm. She then turns away to answer the phone. You actually have to rub your arm to try and diffuse the pain. Wow, Undyne gets pretty physical. You turn to go, but you catch part of Undyne’s conversation.

“….be home soon, babe. Oh and guess WHAT, she said yes! I can’t wait! We should…..” she is yelli-whispering into the device. That’s cute. You head out to collect your things. After changing, you pass through the front doors and turn to head back to the main street, but a voice stops you.

“Your ______, right? I’m Morgan,” the man who took your spot as “volunteer” tells you. He was leaning against a side of the building and straightens up to stand in front of you.

“That’s right. Thank you for coming to my rescue earlier,” you say.

“Think nothing of it. I’ve always wanted to rescue a damsel in distress,” he practically purrs. Is……is he…..flirting with you? “We should get some coffee sometime. Get to know each other better.” Ok, yup.

“I gotta head home right now, but maybe another time. We did a lot of stuff in class that is new to me, and I’m kinda tired.”

“I will take you up on that next time then. Have a good day, ______.” He gives a small wave goodbye, then turns to walk down the street away from you.

You do your own turning and head back to the car. Holy cow! You got asked out by somebody! It’s been a long time since you’ve been on a date, even just a coffee date. The self-defense class had already made your heart feel light, but now it’s actually soaring. You can’t wait to tell-----.

The lance of pain in your chest is so severe, you have to stop to clutch at your chest. That’s……that’s right. You don’t have anybody to tell. Suddenly, your heart feels painful and too heavy in your chest. You slowly make your way back to the parking garage where your car is. What you don’t notice is the looks you garner from passing monsters. Many seem to wince when they catch sight of you, almost as if they can see something. But you’re just focused on trying to make it to your car without crying, ignoring everything that isn't the sidewalk in front of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that ended heavy. I wonder why all those monsters were staring?


	6. Water and Spaghetti

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was able to re-create this chapter. If the part for my laptop gets in on time, you guys might get another surprise waiting for you this weekend. Thanks for all the patience!

It started off nice enough. You’re sitting on the lakeshore, running your hands over pebbles. They feel warm to the touch, like the sun has been heating them all day. You look out over the still lake and see the trees and Mt. Ebott reflected in its mirrored surface.

“I like this white one, don’t you?” a young girl’s voice says off to the right. You look over and freeze. Your sister is crouched next to a red pail, holding out a stone to you. The ground just under her is disturbed from a small plastic shovel. It’s at this point you realize your also a little girl. You take the stone from her and hold it up to the sun. It looks almost like a heart.

You hand the stone back to your sister and say very quietly, “I like it, too.” She drops it in the bucket and continues to dig around the dirt with her yellow shovel.

“Wouldn’t it be cool if we found some seashells? Like when we go to the beach? Do you remember that blue shell we found that time?” she asks you. She stops and looks up at you. “Come on! I can’t find all these rocks by myself. We need to add more to our collection.” You can’t seem to move. That doesn’t seem to deter her. She just drags her bucket closer to you and pulls out another plastic shovel and puts it into your small hands. You try to break the surface of the dirt, but your hands feel so numb, you feel so numb, and the shovel just won’t bite into it.

Your sister is like a speed machine, pulling up and dropping things into her bucket so easily. A piece of glass, more rocks, a bottle cap, a….bone. That’s when you get the first chill. She doesn’t like dead things and would never touch bones. She holds up a muddy thing and says excitedly, “I wonder what this is? Maybe its treasure!” She takes the object and then turns to walk up to her knees in the lake. Another chill runs through you.

You finally find your voice. “Don’t! Mom and dad will be so mad if they find out we got in the water.”

She laughs. “I’m just going to wash it. See what it is.” But she keeps walking further into that glass surface, hardly causing a ripple in the water. You slowly drag yourself up from the dirt and stumble forward after her. She just keeps walking in. Unlike her, you cause ripples and splashes as you run into the ice cold water. The muddy bed sucks at your feet.

“WAIT!” you yell out. “Don’t leave me alone!” She turns to you and smiles, but keeps walking, backwards this time. The water is up to her chest now. She holds out her hand to you. Her skin is so pale compared to its usual color.

“Hurry up slow poke,” she whispers just before she takes one last step back and her head disappears under the water, no sign that she was even there. You panic and dive forward. The water is an endless dark blue and you can see your sister just a few feet below you. This time though, she’s not a little girl. She’s the same as she was that last day. Her hand is extended out to you still, but she continues to sink into the darkness.

You fight towards that hand, swimming as hard as you can, but even though you try so hard, she is just out of reach. You can’t hold your breath anymore and the air just bursts out of you, quickly replaced by the cloying darkness. You’re choking, but continue to try to fight the water. Your sister looks up at you and then her eyes roll up into the back of her head so now all you’re seeing is the whites of her eyes. She gives that quick smile she used to do before she did something dumb, then turns and swims away from you into the darkness. You can’t follow her, because you’re drowning and there is no energy left to fight. You’re left in that endless darkness, not able to move, not able to breathe. Something white and blurry flashes in your vision for a second and then you shoot up awake in your bed clutching at your burning chest.

Sob after sob is rolling out of you, tears blurring your vision. You hunch over your knees and push a hand into your sternum trying to alleviate the throbbing pain. Every time you think about her or remember something or, god forbid, have a dream about her, something in your chest tears and becomes a lance of fire. So you do your best to forget. But sometimes, it’s not that easy.

Gremlin works his way out from underneath the covers and forces himself into your lap. It’s a while before you’re able to calm down enough to hug him. You were crying so hard, you have started to hiccup. He doesn’t care and gently licks the tear tracks on your face and neck. “I miss her so much,” you tell him.

You take a moment to calm down your breathing and then slowly work on numbing yourself. It’s an exercise you made up to deal with the near constant pain in your heart. You slowly shut off your emotions one by one. It takes you much longer than normal, because you’re all worked up, but eventually you’re just left with a dull burn instead of fire. You’re finally numb and so tired now.

You scrub away the tears with a hand and look around your dark room. At the little bookshelves that used to hold pictures and little things that reminded you of your sister, but now are barren. There were a lot of reminders in you room that you had to get rid of. You feel water threaten to fall from your eyes again so you turn away and lay on your side facing the wall with your dog held against your stomach.

You don’t fall back asleep. You just stare at the wall and think of nothing. Eventually, you feel a thump on the bed and a purring cat climbs up the stand on your hip. He starts massaging his needle sharp claw tips into your skin. Time to get up you suppose.

 

\----------------------------- 

 

When you get into work, it’s hard to concentrate. Normally reading and editing is almost meditative, but it seems to be extra difficult today. The minutes stretch on for so long. You’re just trying to keep your composure and ignore how terrible a night you had. Your thoughts keep straying to why your chest started suddenly hurting again. It hasn’t hurt that bad since the first few months after your sister’s death. The question of why keeps playing over and over in your head. You had been doing so much better. You had finally mostly put it behind you. What could the reason be?

It’s just before lunch time and you have been stuck on a particular paragraph for about an hour. There is something off with the content, but for the life of you, you can’t pin it down. Is it a grammar mistake? The wrong syntax maybe? It’s not getting picked up on your computer’s software. You run a hand through your hair.

A knock at your office door interrupts your thoughts. One of your office coworkers, Greg, opens the door and says, “Hey _______. I was told to bring-“. He’s interrupted by a large gloved hand gripping the edge of the door, followed by a skull that is a head above Greg.

“WE MEET AGAIN, HUMAN _______!” a cheery voice greets you. “I WAS TOLD BY THE WOMAN IN CHARGE THAT I WAS TO REMAIN IN YOUR COMPANY WHILE MY LAWMAN NEGOTIATES WITH YOUR LAWMEN.”

It takes you a second to process what he says at such high volume. Greg shoots you a “please help me” look. “Uh..sure…yes…of course. Come in, Papyrus. Have a seat,” you tell the tall skeleton and wave your hand towards the chair before your desk. He shoves the door open much too hard, but he manages to catch it before it hits the wall and probably would have left a door knob shaped dent in it.

“SORRY HUMAN. IN MY GREAT EXCITEMENT, I ALMOST FORGOT MY FORMIDABLE STRENGTH.” He gingerly shuts the door behind him, while Greg mouths what looks like “good luck” before it’s completely closed. You’re not sure how to take that.

Papyrus takes a seat in the chair you offered. It looks a little strange because his legs are so long, his knees come up to where his navel would be if he were to have something like that. He rests his hands on his knees and looks at you expectantly. It’s at this moment, you realize he is wearing some really brightly colored clothing. His shirt is neon green and has writing on it that looks like it was done in sharpie. His shorts are straight out of the 80s with a very iconic yellow and purple pattern on them. He’s topped the look of with some garishly pink basketball shoes and a red backwards baseball cap. You think if you were to close your eyes, the colors would still stay in your vision for a few seconds longer.

You bring your eyes back up to his sockets. “Do you know why they said my office in particular?” Usually authors stay in the deliberation room or wait at home to see the first draft of the contract.

“I EXPLAINED TO THEM MY VAST KNOWLEDGE OF YOUR DIFFERENT LAWS THAT I HAVE LEARNED FROM ALL THE HUMAN DETECTIVE SHOWS I HAVE BEEN WATCHING. THEY SAID IT WAS VERY IMPRESSIVE, BUT IT CAN BE HARD SOMETIMES TO GRASP THE SUBTLE NUANCES. I INFERRED THAT THEY DON’T THINK ITS VERY IMPRESSIVE AT ALL.” He seems to deflate a little at that last statement. Oh wow, it’s like looking at a sad puppy.

“I’m sure it was not that, Papyrus,” you try to cheer him up. “Maybe because they do this all the time, if you had shown them how much you know, they would have been embarrassed someone so new was so good?” You do your best to try to sound like that is actually a plausible scenario.

He definitely seems to perk up. You stare at your computer screen for a few seconds, thinking about whether there is any possibility that you’re are actually going to get any work done in your office. A slow, almost wheezing squeak brings you back to Papyrus. He has discovered that his chair is in fact, a swivel chair. He can’t actually get the chair to swivel around completely, but he does have is legs mostly off the floor and trying his best to get a full turn while the chair gives its quiet protest. Oh god, he’s like a giant kid. It’s actually quite endearing. Welp, it looks like your work is just entertaining Papyrus for now. You save your progress and closeout of the document you were working on.

“Hey, Papyrus, I have some candy, would you like a piece?” you ask. You’re already pulling out a small back of treats.

“OH WOWIE. YES PLEASE!” He straightens the chair out and leans forward eagerly. You let him pick out whatever he pleases and grab yourself a mini chocolate bar. You pop the candy into your mouth and look at the wrapper. Geez this must be old. The back of the wrapper has Halloween decorations and a joke on it. You look up at Papyrus who has selected a jolly rancher.

“Hey Papyrus, why don’t ghosts like rain on Halloween?” you say as you fiddle with your wrapper.

“I THOUGHT NAPSTABLOOK ENJOYED RAIN. HE TOLD ME ONCE ITS VERY NICE TO WATCH,” he tells you as he throws the hard candy into his mouth. You’re distracted by the fact it doesn’t just fall out from underneath his jaw. Does he actually have an underside to his jaw or a trachea or something for food to go into?

“Uh…what? Who is Napstablook?” you ask absentmindedly.

“HE IS A GHOST MONSTER. HE IS VERY MELANCHOLY MOST OF THE TIME, BUT I DO MY BEST TO CHEER HIM UP WITH MY SPARKLING PERSONALITY AND A PLATE OF MY SIGNATURE ARTISAN SPAGHETTI. OF COURSE, SINCE IT IS NOT GHOST FOOD, HE CAN NOT ACTUALLY CONSUME IT, BUT HE DOES STILL PROCLAIM IT IS THE BEST SPAGHETTI HE HAS EVER BEEN GIVEN. NOW HE WORKS ON THE NEW METTATON SHOW ON THE HUMAN TELEVISION!” You actually have to suppress a giggle.

“And what’s the Mettaton Show about?” Papyrus must have something in his mouth because the jolly rancher has completely disappeared.

“YOU DON’T KNOW WHO METTATON IS!? WHY HE IS THE GREATEST, MOST TALENTED, ACTING ROBOT THERE HAS EVER BEEN. HE DOES IT ALL!!! PLAYS, MOVIES, COOKING AND GAME SHOWS! THOUGH, ON YOUR HUMAN TELEVISION, HE JUST HAS ONE TALK SHOW. BUT EVERYONE HAS HEARD OF METTATON!!!” he exclaims, his voice getting louder than normal.

You hold up your hands and shrug. “I’m sorry Papyrus. I don’t watch TV. I’m a movies kind of girl, but he doesn’t really sound like the kind of guy….er…robot I normally watch.”

“THAT IS UNBELIEVABLE, WHICH IS HARD FOR ME TO SAY, BECAUSE I FIND MANY THINGS BELIEVABLE. METTATON APPEALS TO EVERYONE! PLEASE PROMISE ME YOU WILL WATCH ONE OF HIS MANY ACCOMPLISMENTS? IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE!” As he asks this, Papyrus is leaning much more over your desk and takes one your hands to rest between two of his gloved ones. He’s so earnest, that you think you actually see little stars twinkle in his sockets.

“Um….,”you try to recover. “If he has such an earnest fan, there must be something to him. I will check him out, because you have given him a glowing recommendation.”

He says, “NYEH!” and the edges of his mouth lift into a grin. How does that even work? Man, do you have a sudden urge to touch his face to find that out. The urge leaves you very abruptly as Papyrus looks down at your boobs. A shiver runs through you. Is…….is this really happening? His sockets widen and he makes eye contact with you as your left speechless. He begins to sweat and retreats back over the desk, leaving your hand where it had been.

“EXCUSE ME HUMAN, I DID NOT MEAN TO BE RUDE! HERE. HAVE SOME APOLOGY SPAGHETTI.” And then reaches behind his back, one handed, to pull out a plate of freaking spaghetti!

This amazing feat almost distracts you from the fact he had been blatantly staring at your boobs a few mere seconds ago. You’re actually not sure how to react to this scenario right now. It seems a little ridiculous.

“IT SEEMS YOU NEED SOME CHEERING UP AND THE BEST WAY TO DO THAT IS THROUGH MONSTER FOOD. THIS IS NORMALLY MY TRAVEL SPAGHETTI, BUT IT CAN DOUBLE AS AN APOLOGY SPAGHETTI. I KNOW BECAUSE OF MY STELLAR OBSERVATION SKILLS AND MY VAST EXPERIENCE WITH HUMANS, THAT FEMALE HUMANS DO NOT LIKE THEIR STATS CHECKED. I SHOULD HAVE WAITED UNTIL WE WERE IN A CONFRONTATION. IT IS MORE APPROPRIATE THERE.”

Your mouth drops open when he sets the plate of spaghetti on your desk, complete with a fork jabbed in the top. “That’s……that’s really kind of you Papyrus?” you voice seems to lilt up as if that were a question. How long as he been hiding a plate of spaghetti on his person? More importantly, where had he been hiding it?! “But…uh…I can’t….possibly eat while you have nothing.” You gingerly push the spaghetti towards him. “If you have travel spaghetti, you must have it because you’re hungry. I can’t possibly take it.”

“NONSENSE, HUMAN ______! I NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT SOME. PLEASE EAT THIS AS A TOKEN OF MY APOLOGY.” He scoots the plate much closer to you.

Your mind is racing. And then an idea forms. “My honor won’t stand if we both can’t eat.” You throw a dramatic hand onto your forehead. “How about I save this spaghetti for later and we go somewhere that we can both eat?”

Papyrus becomes simultaneously a sweating and happy skeleton. “D-DO YOU MEAN LIKE A D-DATE?”

That is not really what you were going for. You just really didn’t want to eat his mystery spaghetti. “Uhhhhhh…..more like……a…. friendship……..date? Why don’t you pick the place and I’ll pay for the meals?”

The stars are back in his eyes and he has clasped his hands to either side of his skull. “OH WOWIE! I’VE NEVER BEEN ASKED ON A FRIENDSHIP DATE SO FAST! MY REFRESHING ENTHUSIASM AND SPARKLING CHARM HAVE NEVER WORKED THIS FAST BEFORE! I ACCEPT THE TERMS OF OUR FRIENDSHIP DATE!” He gives a low, formal bow as you your working to slip on your coat. What have you gotten yourself into?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, you guys, Papyrus is so pure.


	7. Not Quite Cotton Candy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, was this a long chapter. There is a lot of dialogue in this one and it took way longer than I thought. I wasn't happy with the rough draft and I had to do some research to try and capture Papyrus as best as I could. I feel it could use more work, but I don't want to keep messing with it. Anyway, please enjoy!

This……this is not what you were expecting. You’re standing outside a lavender colored building with a pastel sign that reads “Muffet’s Café and Bakery”. Delicate, almost gossamer, lace curtains surround a window displayed with several mouth-watering inducing pastries. You don’t drink coffee so it’s not very often you find yourself in a café. You’re also, once again, on the outskirts of Mountain View. This time, you were driven here in that striking red convertible you remember being in front of the skeleton brothers’ house. On the drive over your question of how the car gets out on the street was at least partially answered.

Papyrus explains, “SANS MOVES IT FOR ME. HE ONCE EXPLAINED HOW HE MOVES THINGS FROM ONE PLACE TO ANOTHER.” He makes a very precise turn and continues, “I THINK HE INTENTIONALLY MADE IT MUCH MORE COMPLICATED THAN IT NEEDED TO BE, BUT IT ALL COMES DOWN TO MANIPULATING TIME AND SPACE.”

“There is magic that can do that?” you question. When you think of magic, you don’t think of science, in particular physics. But, you guess, real magic is not like the kind you would read about in a book. It’s got to have rules. It can’t be some kind of miracle.

“HONESTLY, I DON’T KNOW. IT’S SOMETHING I HAVE COME TO ACCEPT ABOUT SANS. MY BROTHER IS A HUGE DORK. IT COULD VERY WELL BE A WAY HE INVENTED JUST TO BE EVEN MORE LAZY.”

You look at him surprised and raise your eyebrows. If he invented a way to teleport things, that doesn’t exactly seem very lazy.

Papyrus reads your expression wrong. “I KNOW, I KNOW. SOMEONE AS ACTIVE AND STRONG AS I AM IS INDEED RELATED TO SUCH A LAZYBONES. BUT PLEASE, DON’T HOLD THAT AGAINST HIM. NOT EVERYONE CAN BE LIKE ME, BUT I WILL KEEP BELIEVING THAT HE WILL GO FOR A JOG WITH ME ONE DAY.”

You can’t help but let out a small laugh. That is not what you had been thinking at all. “Um, you jog?” Hadn’t he been wearing a shirt that said ‘JogBoy’ on it when you had first met him? In fact, that had also been written in sharpie. His current shirt says ‘Awesome Guy’.

“OF COURSE! HOW DO YOU THINK I MAINTAIN MY HANDSOME AND MUSCULAR PHYSIQUE?” Okay, you physically had to bite your lip to prevent yourself from laughing. Papyrus seems to be very overconfident in himself, which in some people would be incredibly annoying, but is actually kind of cute for him. It’s sorta refreshing in the fact that he is simultaneously observant and oblivious to a lot of things.

And now you’re standing in front of a purple building after parking in the resident monsters’ underground parking structure.  “I HAVE A HUMAN FRIEND WHO ENJOYS THE SUGARY SWEETS MUFFET OFFERS. I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT HAVE SIMILAR TASTES.” Well, that’s nice of him to think what you might like. You wonder who his human friend is.

A tiny bell tinkles above the door when you enter. Inside, everything is decorated in various shades of purple with white lace and tables. It must be some kind of Victorian gothic theme. It’s actually really appealing to you. You used to sew costumes and a Victorian dress had always been on your list to do one day. Apparently, you are not the only one who likes the aesthetic. There are a good amount of people here, human and monster. Some are on computers or reading, others are in groups, sitting at tables and sipping from porcelain teacups or eating pastries while they talk.

Papyrus takes the lead and guides you up to the register. You’re eye is immediately caught by the glass fronted counter. Oh man! There are so many sweets! Beautifully decorated chocolates, pies, tarts, croissants, cupcakes, the list goes on, but you zoom in on these purple donuts with delicate spider-web patterning. A small sign rests inside the case saying “Made from spiders, by spiders, for spiders”. Uhhhhhh….do they mean actual spiders? That can’t be true. You doubt so many people would be here if the pastries actually contain spiders.

“Ahuhuhuhu, how may I help you dearies?” a sugary voice says from behind the counter. You look up and make……eye contact. With a spider lady. Who has five eyes. She blinks but it is an actual process because the left farthest eye blinks and then one eye after the other follows until the last eye on the right does as well. It’s fascinating yet slightly creepy.

“Um….I’ve never been here before. What would you recommend?” you breathlessly ask. You’re doing your best to not be freaked out. It’s not that you’re scared of spiders, per se, but you’ve never been necessarily buddy buddy with them either. Mostly, you try to let them be unless they’re in your house, then you have to scoot them out the door and on their spider way. She’s just a monster, though. You can’t judge someone on their looks. Besides the eyes and the fangs, she doesn’t look too much like a spider. You’re sure she must get a lot of people who don’t like her based solely on her looks.

“I always recommend the donuts and croissants, my dear. They are a special family recipe.” She winks at you with two of her eyes and gives a small smile that shows her fangs off more. “The spider cider is always a favorite with customers, both the cold and hot version. I can also make you expressos, cappucinnos, lattes, or we have a few different selections of tea.” You think about it for a second and decide, what the heck. Sugar is a perfectly adult lunch, right?

“I will have a croissant, a donut, and a hot spider cider. What would you like, Papyrus?” You turn to him.

“CAN I HAVE MY USUAL, MUFFET?”

“Well, of course, Pap. Will that be all, dearies?” She asks. Before this point, Muffet had been leaning against the counter with her head propped up by two arms. As she straightens up to add the order into the cash register, you see that she has a lot more in common with a spider than you had first thought. Six arms just seems like to many arms to you, but you hold it together as you pay for the meals with cash. “I’ll have your orders brought out in a minute dears.”

She takes the cash with one hand and is typing up the order on the cash register with the other. Her other arms are working entirely independent of those two. A set start picking out the sweets in the display while the others start picking up plates. Ok, you need to stop staring and let her work in peace. Maybe you’ll work up the courage one day to ask her how she can coordinate that well.

It takes a few moments to find a pair of chairs, but you do find a table near the front window next to two young women in yoga pants who seem to be gossiping. The tall skeleton surprises you when he pulls out your chair for you. It makes you a little nervous. He remembers this is a friendship date right? You both sit and it’s quiet at your table except for the general murmur around the café. Up until now, talking with Papyrus hasn’t been awkward. But it seems that you might make it so with your next question. “So…um…Papyrus. Earlier in my office…you…uh.. ‘checked my stats’. What does that mean?” You can’t help, but blush and look slightly to the left of him, not able to make eye contact.

He is fidgeting a little with his hands in his lap. “I CHECKED YOUR STATISTICS. I MEANT NO OFFENSE BY IT, HUMAN _______. IT IS VERY NORMAL FOR MONSTERS TO CHECK STATS, BUT HUMANS HAVE SEEMED OPPOSED TO THE IDEA, ESPECIALLY FEMALES, SO THE KING HAS ASKED ALL OF US TO ONLY CHECK THEM IN CONFRONTATIONS WITH HUMANS. I DIDN’T MEAN TO DISOBEY, BUT SOMETIMES MONSTERS CAN’T HELP IT,” he explains. If checking stats means staring at a person’s chest, you completely understand why women have had an issue with it. But you’re not going to hold a cultural thing against him. You’re sure there have probably been tons of human things that could be offensive to monsters.

“So what are you checking statistics on? Is it something you see or do you just suddenly know something about me?” This is such a weird line of conversation, but it’s really neat. You try to drum up a feeling close to excitement. Mostly you just feel incredibly tired. If Papyrus hadn’t been coming in today, you probably would have just stayed home laying in your bed and staring at the ceiling.

“WELL, YOU SEE HUMAN, THE STATS…..THEY ARE ABOUT YOUR SOUL. THEY TELL YOUR LV AND YOUR HP. AND A FEW….OTHER THINGS.” You can’t keep your eyebrows from crawling up your face at that. What the heck is LV and HP? Like the stats in video games?

“Ok. I’m totally lost. Monsters can read souls? Souls exist?!” This is completely new to you. Is this a magic thing? Can they see your soul and read it too? That feels like a violation. You don’t want someone to read anything that would be so personal. The thought of someone reading your thoughts really disturbs you.

“I THOUGHT ALL HUMANS KNEW ABOUT THAT NOW. LET ME EXPLAIN! EVERYONE HAS A SOUL. IT IS THE VERY CULMINATION OF THEIR BEING. YOU WOULDN’T BE YOU WITHOUT IT. WE DON’T EXACTLY READ SOULS, BUT WHEN YOU CHECK STATS, YOU CAN CHECK SOMEONE’S HEALTH, ATTACK, LV, ARMOR OR GET A NICE TIDBIT ABOUT THEM. IT CAN BE A NICE CONVERSATION STARTER.”

“So it’s not like you can read my mind or something?” Papyrus enthusiastically shakes his head no. You’re relieved. That would have been too invasive for you. “So my stats said I was sad or something? That I needed cheering up?”

Papyrus looks thoughtful. He rubs a mittened hand on his chin. That must be something he does when he is thinking. “NOT EXACTLY. YOUR HP IS VERY LOW, WHICH I, WITH MY STELLAR DEDUCING SKILLS, HAVE DEDUCED THAT YOU’VE EITHER BEEN IN A FIGHT RECENTLY OR YOU’VE HAD A GREAT EMOTIONAL ATTACK. IN EITHER CASE, SOME CHEERING UP IS IN ORDER.” Uh, ok. You’ve had neither, but then something twinges in your chest. You have to restrain yourself from not rubbing your sternum in discomfort. Wait. Is that your soul?

Another question occurs to you, but before you can ask it, a plate is lowered down into your line of sight. It’s being lowered by a few strands of silver string. The donut and croissant rest on the plate. You look up and your mouth drops open. A few spiders are suspended from the ceiling and are using spider silk to lower your plate. Well, you guess, spider monsters because they look more like black cotton balls with legs than actual spiders. They’ve also got two cups with saucers lowering down as well. You had assumed that the pattern on the dark ceiling was just decoration, but it’s actually a latticework of square openings. The porcelain plates clink as they come to rest on the table. The spiders start to recede back onto the lattice and you quickly force out, “Thank you!” One of the spiders stops their ascent and gives you a friendly wave, then disappears into one of the openings. Well….that was unexpected. That was really cool.

You’ve completely forgot what you were going to ask with this newest distraction. Your stomach gives a slightly loud gurgle of protest. “LETS EAT FIRST AND WE CAN TALK LATER. AREN’T YOU SUPPOSED TO HELP ME WITH MY PUZZLE BUILDING LATER ANYWAY?” Your eyes jerk down from the ceiling.

“I’m not great at puzzles besides the occasional Sudoku.” You gingerly pick up the croissant and take a whiff. Besides its pale lilac coloring, it smells just like a croissant should. “Plus, I think I only solved that one puzzle you had, the one with the word jumble, out of sheer dumb luck.”

“I’M SURE THAT’S NOT TRUE! YOU’RE A VERY SMART HUMAN. YOU RECOGNIZED MY PUZZLES FOR THE GENIUS THEY ARE, AFTER ALL.” That’s such a funny way to compliment someone. You take a bite of croissant. It’s flaky and buttery, but as you move to swallow it, the bite of food just dissolves. The sensation almost feels like how cotton candy disappears, but instead of a sticky sensation, you’re left with a tingly one. “Wow. That’s so strange,” you whisper to yourself. You take another bite and the sensation repeats. But it’s more than that.

The pain in your chest hadn’t exactly gotten better after your nightmare, but you had been able to ignore it enough to be functional at work. Now, after a few bites of your croissant, the pain was gently receding. “Papyrus, does monster food….is it…um……supposed to heal your soul or something?”

“OF COURSE! IT IS MONSTER FOOD AFTER ALL. DO YOU LIKE IT? DOES IT FILL YOUR SOUL WITH HAPPINESS?” he asks as he takes a sip of whatever is in his cup.

“It makes me feel better, that’s for sure. Is that why you were trying to get me to eat your…uh…artisan spaghetti?” You finish up that last of your croissant and take a sip of the hot cider. Its hot apple spiciness warms your chest even though it dissolves in your mouth just like the other food. Maybe you should have tried monster food before? Didn’t you still have that monster candy in your bag? Would that have made you feel better all along?

“YES HUMAN. YOU SEEM TO HAVE BEEN GREVIOUSLY INJURED AND THE BEST WAY TO HEAL IS SOME GOOD MONSTER FOOD AND MY STUPENDOUS COMPANY. I AM TOLD, IT CAN BE A BRACING EXPERIENCE. WHAT IT MUST BE LIKE TO BE CHEERED UP BY THE LIKES OF ME.” At this, he sets down his cup and has a hand to his chest and another gesturing into the air. “YOU CAN HOLD YOUR SHOWER OF COMPLIMENTS AND MANY PRAISES. I AM BUT A HUMBLE SKELETON WHO DOES HIS BEST TO BE MAGNEFICENT TO OTHERS AND GRACE THEM WITH MY PRESENCE.” Oh yes. Papyrus sure is a humble skeleton.

“Oh, well. I guess, being a humble skeleton, I would embarrass you if I were to…um….shower you… with compliments so I will keep them to myself then.” You actually have to cover your mouth because you don’t want him to think you’re making fun.

Papyrus makes of face like he just put his foot in his mouth. He tries to recover, “OF-F…OF COURSE, ONE LITTLE COMPLIMENT WOULDN’T BE UNHEARD OF. I AM NOT A SKELETON THAT IS EASILY EMBARRASSED.”

“Alright. I will give you one compliment. But...” you look around the room and spot a clock. “You must answer this riddle first.” Your dad would be so proud. He was always one for saying riddles or making awful dad jokes.

“WOWIE! A RIDDLE! NYEH. THIS DATE MUST BE GOING WELL IF YOU ARE GIVING ME A PUZZLE. ALRIGHT, HUMAN, LET US SEE IF MY GREAT INTELLECT IS A MATCH FOR YOUR RIDDLE SKILLS.” He leans forward and has his hands clenched in expectation. You swear there are actual, legit, stars in his eyes.

“What 4 letter word can be written forward, backwards, or upside down, and can still be read from left to right?” You’re leaning back in your chair and have started nibbling on your donut. Your surprised by the spider web icing. It crunches when you bite into it, which is a sharp contrast to the softness of the donut.

Papyrus is rubbing his chin again. “HMMMM. THAT IS A GOOD ONE HUMAN.” He starts looking around the room and his brows are furrowed down over his eyes in stern concentration. You continue enjoying your food while he thinks. After a few minutes go by, you’re worried it might have been too hard. You want him to get it. You’ve got a compliment all ready.

He suddenly smashes his fist down on the table and makes all the plates, cups, and you to jump. “IT’S NOON! IT’S NOON, CORRECT?!” His cup doesn’t land back on the plate correctly and instead, spills its contents onto the table cloth and down Papyrus’ pants. “OH NO! MY INCREDIBLY COOL AND CLEAN OUTFIT.”

You hand him your napkin as he tries to wipe off the pink liquid. “EXCUSE ME, I MUST USE THE LITTLE SKELETONS ROOM,” he apologizes and dashes off. You blink and look down at the remainder of the liquid he had been drinking. Is there such things as pink tea? And why does it have sparkles? You contemplate why on earth Papyrus was drinking something that looked like you could decorate a little girl’s room with it, when you overhear a low conversation.

“Did you hear, about that, like guy, the one that disappeared?” a women asks her companion at the table next to yours. You don’t want to eavesdrop, but your curiosity is peaked.

Her friend replies in a hushed tone, “Yeah totes. Like, wasn’t he walking home from that monster bar or something and totally disappeared? Like without a trace? That’s just so spooky. It was like after dark or something too, right?” Woah. That is spooky. You would think that they would have at least caught him on camera. You definitely remember seeing surveillance cameras the last time you were in Mountain View.

“Yeah. Police got, like, no leads. He just up and vanished. It gives me, like, the chills. My boyfriend, Chad, thinks some monster, like, totally did it and there’s totally a cover up, but, like, I don’t know. I haven’t meant any mean monsters, like you know?” the gal asks. You think about it, but you’ve also not met any monsters who have been mean. Well, maybe Sans. But he hadn’t been exactly mean. Just rude.

Her friend shakes her head. “I mean, not unless they got, like, more monsters underground or something, right? All the monsters have been, totally like nice.”

Papyrus dashes back at that moment and your focus changes back to him, though you might check out that story later. His pants may be many strange colors, but pink is not one of them. There are a few sparkles left unfortunately. “THAT MTT BRAND GLAM TEA WAS NO MATCH FOR MY SUPERIOR WASHING SKILLS. NYEHEHEHEHEHEHEH,” Papyrus tells you.

“Uh..well, of course. You are the Great Papyrus after all.” You try to relax and finish the last of your cider. Your chest feels a lot better now. Not 100 percent, but definitely better. Papyrus seems to practically vibrate with the use of that title. “So you guessed my riddle. I owe you one compliment.” You take you hand and cough into the fist, making sure to be as dramatic as you can while clearing your throat. “Alright, Papyrus. Are you ready?”

The big, adorkable skeleton doesn’t look like he can hold back his energy much longer. “Here goes. Brace yourself. You are not only a great puzzle master, but I have had a great time on this friendship date. Your taste in eating establishments is truly commendable.”

“WOWIE! I HAVE BEEN GIFTED A GENUINE COMPLIMENT! I ENJOYED THE FRIENDSHIP DATE AS WELL. WE SHOULD DO THIS AGAIN, BUT WITH MORE PUZZLES NEXT TIME. MAYBE SOMETHING WITH SPIKES!” Or maybe no spikes. But hey, you wouldn’t mind hanging out with Papyrus again.

Your phone goes off in your purse. Crap. What time was it? “Give me a second,” you ask and dig around in the small suitcase you drag around on your shoulder all the time. It's probably heavy enough to use as a weapon. You miss the call just as you finally have the electronic device in your hand. It looks like it was Teresa. Your phone chirps as it receives an incoming text. ‘Where are you? We need to talk with Mr. Skeleton on details’.

“Aw, it looks like we have to head back. You ready to go?” You’re not ready to go back to work, but duty calls.

“I AM ALWAYS READY, HUMAN. LET US DEPART THEN.” As you leave, you happen to glance back at your table and see a few spiders descending from the ceiling and clearing the plates. They also replace the stained table cloth. Seeing such tiny creatures do all that work is pretty awesome. On the way back to the parking structure, Papyrus challenges you to a short race to the car and he clearly wins, because your short human legs literally cannot keep up with his impossibly long femurs, but he stays just ahead of you and praises you for your running technique and for trying so hard to beat him. Your out of breath and slightly sweaty when you both get into the car, but you had a lot of fun. Man, monsters are so cool.

 

“________”

LV 1

HP 18/40

AT 0(1)   EXP:0

DF 0(1)   NEXT:10

WEAPON: Purse

ARMOR: Pantsuit

GOLD:0

“________ seems sad but smiles at you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can glittery tea be a thing? Who wouldn't want to make their insides shine? Sparkle up your day (TM).
> 
> Let me know if your interested in reading any fun scenarios or shenanigans. Right now I'm just world building, but soon we will get into some fun plot stuff and I would love some filler to stretch this story out.


	8. Knock Knock

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no see! I've been looking to get a new job so it's hard to justify writing something for fun when I need to write up resumes. Let me know what you think about the chapter in the comments.

You’re standing in front of a door feeling very nervous. You tug at the bottom edge of your jacket. This is the address that Undyne had given you. It feels….too normal…for Undyne. You would expect something more…..you don’t know….fishy maybe? It looks like all the other houses on the street in the monster neighborhood. You guess it’s because these are all prefab homes that were easy enough to plop down. You look down the rows of houses and shiver in the chilly night.

You have to admit, it was a little scary walking over here. It’s not that late in the evening, but you didn’t see very many monsters on the way over. There were also not as many humans as you saw when you first visited Mountain View either. That guy was still missing and there were no leads so far, though you did read an online article about speculation. Especially towards monsters. You didn’t believe they had anything to do with it, but you still felt a little uncomfortable walking by yourself down the lanes and crossing canals. He had disappeared in this area, which means that you could disappear.

Back to the task at hand. Its movie night and you’re here to hang out with Undyne and her friends. You’ve worn some casual full leggings and one of your favorite t-shirts along with your warmest jacket. It’s starting to get pretty cold at night, but it probably still won’t snow for another month. Take a deep breath. You can do this ______. Undyne isn’t scary, not really, but meeting new people had always been a fear. What if they didn’t like you? What if they thought you were weird? Don’t overthink it, just go for it.

You knock on the door.

There is a thump, a bang, and then the door is practically ripped off its hinges. You’re HERE, PUNK! Come in, come in!” Undyne grabs you the front of your jacket and drags you in.  “SHE’S HERE NERDS!” She has pretty much lifted you. The tips of your shoes brush the floor and your scrambling to hold on to her arm to keep yourself supported. She pulls you into what appears to be the living room with an extremely large T.V. and tons of familiar anime posters everywhere.

Your greeted by a nervous, sweaty dinosaur and……two skeletons. Papyrus jumps up from a couch and yells, “HUMAN! YOU DID NOT SAY YOU WERE COMING TO MOVIE NIGHT!?” The smile is just kind of frozen on your face as you take in Papyrus, and more importantly Sans. You had been hoping you never had to be around Sans again. He looks exactly the same. Down to the same clothes and sneakers. Even the same passive smiling expression.

“YOU KNOW THESE NERDS?!” Undyne finally let’s go so you can stand like a normal person.

“Um…I mean…yeah? Papyrus is writing a puzzle book with my company and I’ve…….met..Sans.” You end up muttering the last part of that sentence. You’re trying to look at anywhere but Sans. You’re eyes fall on the short dinosaur. “Hey, um, I’m _____. It’s nice to meet you.” You hold your hand out to offer a handshake.

“O-oh hey! I’m-m Alphys. Undyne’s t-told me so much a-about you.” She barely shakes your hand and you’re glad. She’s got really sweaty palms. “U-uh, w-w-would you like something to d-drink?” she asks.

“Oh, sure. If you’ve got tea, I’ll take that,” you tell her.

“A human after my own heart. Can you make me one too, babe?” Undyne asks as Alphys heads to a doorway, where you presume, leads to a kitchen. Alphys blushes and nods as she exits. Oh man, that’s cute. Undyne and Alphys must be dating. Oh! Alphys must have been who Undyne was talking to on the phone after class!

“NYEH! WHAT MOVIE HAVE YOU BROUGHT FOR CONTRIBUTION TO OUR FRIENDLY HANGOUT?” Papyrus questions as he moves over closer to you. “I HAVE FOUND THIS DELIGHTFUL MOVIE CALLED THE SANTA CLAUSE. IT’S ABOUT A HUMAN THAT BECOMES SANTA! IT’S SO ABSURD, THAT’S WHY IT’S SO FUNNY. SANTA’S A MONSTER, OF COURSE.”

He hasn’t seen The Santa Clause? That movie was old. Now you’re feeling better about your movie choice. You’re not even going to dwell on the fact he thinks Santa is a monster. “Well, I brought this movie.” You reach into your bag and pull out the old DVD case. “It’s, um, a favorite,” you say sheepishly and hand it to him.

“THE FIFTH ELEMENT? AREN’T THERE A LOT OF ELEMENTS? SANS! WHICH IS THE FIFTH ELEMENT?” Papyrus turns to ask Sans.

You thought Sans had fallen asleep on the couch, because both of his sockets are shut and his head is tilted back, but he opens an eye and says, “i’d tell you, but i don’t want to _boron_ you with science stuff.” You had mentally been trying to go through the periodic table of elements in your head, so you hadn’t expected the joke and let out a surprised laugh when you actually got it. His single eyelight moves over to you and you immediately blush and look away, scratching an imaginary itch on your cheek.

Papyrus practically shrieks and stomps his foot. He waves your DVD box in one mittened hand and says at a much higher volume than normal, “NO SANS! YOU CANNOT CORRUPT ALL MY HUMAN FRIENDS WITH YOUR TOMFOOLERY.”

“Chill Paps. You pretty much set him up for that joke,” Undyne comments. This is when Alphys scuttles back into the room. She’s holding an honest to god Japanese tea tray with a delicate looking fish tea pot and small, handless cups. Your eyes get all wide. You’ve always wanted a set like that, but some of the really nice ones can be really pricey. You just keep to your stove kettle at home and an electric one at work. “Aw sweet! Getting all fancy, babe?”

“I-i-i thought i-it would be nice if you guys wanted m-m-more than one cup-p,” Alphys says and shakily sets it down on the coffee table.

You can’t help, but beam at her. “This is awesome. Thank you.”

Alphys blushes and squeaks at you, “O-o-oh…u-u-u-u-um, your w-welcome.”

“HEY! Only I can make my girlfriend blush, punk,” Undyne cackles and pokes you in the arm.  Alphys makes a strangled noise and blushes even more, holding her hands in front of her muzzle. You can’t help, but giggle at the couples’ antics. It’s pretty adorable.

You sit cross-legged on the floor facing towards the couch. Which happens to be right across from Sans. Undyne joins you on the floor and Papyrus sits on the couch next to his brother. Alphys has seemed to recover enough to pour tea into cups, though she is still red in the face.  “I h-h-hope you d-don’t mind green t-tea. It’s…um..Undyne’s f-favorite.”

“Not at all. I like most tea.” Alphys’ hands shake as she pours the tea into cups, but all the tea makes it in. You slide off your jacket it and tuck it under the table with your bag before you take one of the offered cups.

You’re mixing in some sugar when Sans speaks up. “so, _argon_ you gonna explain why you brought a chemistry movie?” This time, he is actually looking at you with both eyes.

“Oh, um, it’s not that kind of element. It’s referencing the four elements, earth, wind, fire, water, and in the movie, there is a fifth element,” you explain before blowing gently on your tea. “I don’t really want to spoil it, but its sci-fi, like with spaceships and aliens.” You take a test sip and find it is at just the right temperature, though it seems to be normal, non-magical tea. You notice Sans’ smile seems to get a little bigger when you mentioned spaceships.

“Oh hey, since you’re finally here, we got to get on cooking dinner. C’mon Paps! Let’s make the best homemade dinner yet!” Undyne leaps up and barely misses the coffee table with her shins. But Papyrus does actually hit the table. You reach a hand out to stabilize Undyne’s cup before it spills.

“NYEH! OF COURSE UNDYNE! IT MUST BE EXTRA SPECIAL FOR OUR NEW FRIEND. SHE HAS YET TO ENJOY MY CULINARY EXPERTISE. WE MUST SHOW HER OUR LEGENDARY SPAGHETTI RECIPE!” They clasp hands, almost as if they were about to arm wrestle or doing some weird anime move, then both of them storm into the kitchen. You watch them dash off, worried about that much enthusiasm where there is fire involved.

You’re distracted by Alphys squeaking and pointing at your shirt. “I-is that f-f-from Spirited Away?” You look down at your shirt.

“Um, yeah. It’s on my list of favorite Miyazaki films. I’m guessing you’ve seen it?” You take another sip of tea and try to focus on her. Sans has gone back to looking like he’s taking a nap. Is the guy tired or something? Alphys brings your attention back to her.

“Have I seen it?! It’s revolutionary! Not only in stylebutthewayitcapturesbothlightanddarkthemestatappealtoawideaudienceof…” She takes a gasping breathe. You hadn’t been ready for the word vomit and you can feel your eyes getting wide along with your eyebrows sliding up your face.

She looks at your face and blushes furiously again, this time, accompanied by visible sweating. “O-o-oh, I’m sorry! I-I didn’t….mean..oh  gosh,” she starts muttering and puts her hands in front of her eyes. Dammit. You realize she misread your surprise as something critical of her.

“I..uh…completely agree with you. Plus the animation is all hand-drawn drawn, frame by frame. Isn’t that cool?” She peeks through her fingers at you and you respond with a reassuring smile. You continue, “I think the attention to detail, not only in the background, but with each characters’ animations, really brings a realism to the story.”

She draws her hands slowly down to her sides. “Y-yeah. I think y-y-you’re right,” she says shyly. “Do you r-read manga?”

“I used to pretty regularly, but, uh, with my job being mostly reading now, I just watch movies at home.” That wasn’t exactly true, but you didn’t want to go into detail. Tonight’s supposed to be all about fun, right?

“But there are s-so many good mangas out! So many that I s-still haven’t read all the g-great ones I hear about. Oh! Have you ever watched Mew Mew Kissy Cu-“ You’re both startled by a loud bang from the kitchen.

It’s followed by a crash and Undyne yells, “ I’m okay!” That’s when the fire alarm goes off in the kitchen.

“DO NOT WORRY! JUST A TEMPORARY SET BACK. NO NEED TO COME IN HERE. EVERYTHING IS FINE!” Papyrus tries to yell reassuringly.

“hey, al. can you check up on ‘em? ‘m a little _alarmed_ by the sounds they’re makin’,” Sans asks. He hasn’t moved from his spot, but at least he’s got his head up and his eyes open looking at the kitchen doorway.

“O-oh, of course! Ex-xcuse me,” the little dinosaur says as she pulls herself off the floor and rushes into the other room. You hear muffled voices, but the alarm stops making that shrill sound. The porcelain clinks against your teeth as you take a sip of tea. You were staring at the table, thinking about suddenly being left alone in the room with the only monster you feel incredibly awkward with. Which stems from him knowingly letting you assume he was his brother. But maybe….he had a good reason?

You can at least apologize for assuming though. You start, “Look-“.

At the same time he says, “hey-“.

You cut each other off. Looking up from the table, you see that he is actually leaning forward in his seat and looking down on you with probably the straightest smile you’ve seen yet.

“Uh, you can-“

“go ahead-“

You both stop. And then start laughing. It releases the tension out of the room.

“Can I go first?” you ask. He nods and props his elbow on a knee to rest his hand in. “Look, I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for laughing when you first opened the door. I wasn’t expecting a skeleton monster when I was looking for a Mr. Skeleton. I also wanted to apologize for assuming-“

“eh, you don’t have ta apologize for that. i led ya on a little. wanted to say sorry for that,” Sans interrupts you. “pap didn’t just send a copy to your office, but to a bunch of other places ‘fore that. they said they would publish pap’s book…for a price.” He rubs the top of his skull with his free hand. It makes a soft scraping sound. “i guess i kinda assumed too. i’ve had ta stop him from makin’ a few bad deals. thought you were ‘nother one.”

“I get it. You were probably trying to get me to go before Papyrus got home. It’s what siblings are supposed to do. Protect each other. Look out for each other.” You feel that familiar pain in your chest. Sans winces, but you don’t notice because you’ve dropped your eyes down to inspect the seigaiha pattern on the tea tray.

You rub that spot on your chest, the one the keeps hurting. You bought a bunch of monster candy and have been taking it regularly. It seems to help. The previous day, you had gone to get a check-up with a doctor, but he hadn’t been able to find anything wrong with you. He had recommended setting up an MRI appointment, but you didn’t think that it would find anything either. For now, you’re self-medicating with monster food. You know that it’s not okay, but you don’t know what else to do. Is there such thing as a soul doctor?

You snap out of your thoughts as a breeze ruffles through your hair. You look up at Sans, but he isn’t sitting on the couch. A quick glance around the room shows a distinct lack of any skeletons. Well, except for a One Piece poster, but the skeleton you’re looking for doesn’t have hair. Somebody knocks at the front door.

This isn’t your house, but you’re pretty sure the person knocking is for you. It takes you a moment to get up and stumble over because one of your legs has fallen asleep. There is a knock again just as you reach the door. You open it. And just as you thought, Sans is standing there, hands in his pockets.

“you’re supposed ta say ‘who’s there?’” He says rocking a little on his feet.

You cross your arms and sigh, but say, “Who’s there?”

“iowa.”

“Iowa who?” You can’t help a small smile escaping.

“iowa big apology for being a jerk.” You’re beaming now. That was actually a pretty clever joke. “i think we started out on the wrong _tarsal_. so, hi, i’m sans, sans the skeleton.” He holds a hand out to you. You giggle and take it. And the loudest, longest fart blows when you shake his hand.

“Are you serious right now?!” Your face is red, but you genuinely laugh. He holds up his hand which contains a tiny whoopie cushion.

“no, i’m sans right now.” And that causes you to dissolve into a fit of giggles.

“wanna hear a skeleton joke?” Sans asks. He puts a hand out and against the doorjamb so he can lean against it.

“Sure,” you say. You take this opportunity to lean against the door and take some weight off the leg that’s fallen asleep.

“naw. i don’t think i have the guts to say it.”

“Pffffft. Really?” You notice for the first time between all the laughing that he’s actually a few inches shorter than you, enough that he has to slightly look up, but he’s probably twice as wide as you. His smile has turned into a lopsided grin and you can’t help, but think it looks really nice on him.

“how did the skeleton know it was going to rain?”

“I don’t know. How?”

“he could feel it in his bones.” You snicker at that one.

“Okay, okay, I’ve got one. Why don’t ghosts like the rain?”

He nods his head towards you and asks “why?”

“Because it dampens their spirits!” Sans laughs so hard he closes his sockets and wipes an imaginary tear from his eye.

“why was the ghost,” he laughs part way through this joke. “ridin’ around in an elevator?” You smile and nod to encourage him to go on. “to lift their spirits.” You’re both laughing over that one when a voice makes you jump about a foot in the air. It’s such a surprise, it feels like someone has poured ice water down your back.

“What are you two doing over here?” Undyne says right behind you. You’re so startled, you land with too much support on the leg that was still tingly from falling asleep. It gives out from underneath you and you pitch forward. To be caught. By Sans.

His arm is wrapped around you and you’re pulled flush to his chest.  You would think that as a skeleton, he would be all hard bone, but he’s surprisingly soft, almost like he actually has guts underneath the hoodie. Your hands rest on his chest and your eyes are staring straight into his sockets. You flush and pull away, noticing the slight tinge of blue around his zygomatic arches.

“Fuhuhuhuhuhu! Getting all cozy I see.” Undyne cackles and starts waggling her eye brows up and down.

“we were just _kraken_ up over here. _halibut_ we head back inside?” Sans closes one eye and holds his hands up. His smile has become kind of….what’s the polite way to say this…..shit-eating?

“Hey! I’ve told you to knock it off with the fish puns before.” She’s also smiling, but her smile has got way more sharp, pointy teeth. And that’s when a pun actually comes to you. You’ve got to seize your chance.

“ _Cod_ we head back inside. It’s a little chilly out here.” Sans bursts out laughing and you’ve got your own awful grin.

“NGAH! Just get in here, nerds!” Undyne stomps away.

You step inside and Sans follows you in. “ya know, you can just stand in a corner if you’re cold.” You shoot a quizzical look at him over your shoulder. “they’re all ‘bout 90 degrees.” The joke is so bad, you accidently snort. And are immediately, incredibly embarrassed. You’re no longer cold because all your blood is heating up your face. You escape into the living room to find other people who haven’t heard you make embarrassing sounds.

Sans is left by the door thinking some things over. He wouldn’t mind causing you to make that sound again. Especially if it makes your face change such vibrant colors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *wiggles eyebrows*  
> Don't you love slow burns?


End file.
